Monday, October 16, 2017

Denial.


          Without consulting with a psychological/psychiatrical professional, I stopped taking my medications. I thought, that being here in University, being in a new setting with new people, would make me happier. I thought, that I would be happy... enough.

          I'm struggling to face my mental health issues. I feel like I'm in a state of denial, wanting to be normal, to be just another university student. Within a big institution like this, it feels lonely. It feels lonely because my disability is so invisible. Though I can't let this go on, and I can't just sweep my bad days under the rug, telling people that the reason why I'm missing lectures is me being lazy... It's starting again, not being able to get out of bed, and feeling tired for no reason. I'm scared, and I don't have a strong-enough support system yet here to be like this. I need to get myself together.

          And at times like these, I come to here. I come here, to write, to check in with my feelings, but also to update those around me who cares about my well-being. It's funny, of how personal yet public this is. I promise, that I'm gonna be okay. I have to be.