Last week, we had a long weekend and my family and I went on a road trip to Ottawa and Montreal. And for those who don't know, I'm on Grindr. Grindr is like "Gay Tinder", but it's really just open for all queer people with penises. As a Transgender female, there are Straight men, Bisexual men, and Pansexual men on this app who would be interested in me and still respect me as a woman. So... I was alone in a Starbucks in downtown Montreal on the last night of my trip, and I met up with a guy who messaged me on Grindr. He was the only man that messaged me that weekend who could actually carry a normal conversation, who didn't greet me with a dick pic, and didn't ask for nudes. Obviously though, it's meant to be a hookup app, so after we met up and hung out, I sucked his cock. So that's it, my first oral sex experience, just like that. It was also my first Grindr meetup, turns out it's his as well.
It was fabulous, more salty and warm than I expected. He said that I did amazing for my first time, so good that he didn't believe it was my first. His legs were tingling for awhile afterwards lol. I think it's because I have a penis, so I feel like I would know how to please one better. Anyway, it just happened, like that. I'm happy it happened and he was a great guy, polite, respectful, and consensual. Now I've been on Grindr for almost a month now, but I've yet to actually hookup, the truth is, I'm scared. I'm afraid not only because I'm not experienced, but because I know that I'm very emotional and romantic. Am I really able to experience sex without any attachments ? What if I start having feelings with someone who clearly just want a hookup ? It feels like I can only choose between sex and romance, even though I know that's not true. I've been a hopeless romantic for my whole life now, having crushes and looking for a relationship, am I really able to abandon that need to just experience sex as it is ? I feel like no matter how much I hide it, I'll always end up wanting something more, something most people aren't looking for on Grindr.
I feel more confident and relieved about my sexual identity, and I am happy that I had such experience. Yet again, I know I want something more, something better. People say that sex isn't a big deal, and I know that our society has romanticized the concept of "virginity" to the point where it's harmful, causing slut shaming...etc. Well, it happened. Am I going to stay on the app, I think so, but I will ask for more, maybe a date before I suck another dick ? Or if I really just need a relief from my teenage horniness, I know that a hookup is always possible. *Wink*
P.S. Stay Safe, Have Fun, and Be Respectful !
Consent isn't Sexy, it's a Basic Fundamental Virtue.
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