Dancing with the System

         I am extremely disappointed right now at the University of Toronto Scarborough, and it's also a sad reality that I unfortunately feel like I need to accept...

Story Time:

I am a student enrolled at the University of Toronto Scarborough, and wanted to take some courses at the St. George campus downtown this summer. (Note: Same University, just different campuses) I knew the rule that we can only take up to 1.0 credit (1 course is usually 0.5 credit) at a different campus before already completed 4.0 credits. After enrolling into 2 courses and paying the tuition, I began going to my classes downtown. 3 weeks after classes have begun, the UTSC Registrar forcibly removed me from one of my classes that's a 0.5 credit and only runs until the end of June. I didn't realize that my other course is actually a full 1.0 credit course. Yet I didn't feel justified because I've been active and participating, I've already wrote my midterm and now also have already submitted my final essay...

So the last few weeks I've been back and forth with the UTSC Registrar and Administration. They told me to submit a petition, which I did, and waited, went back again and they told me they'll semi-approve the petition so it gets to the person above faster to have the final say. I said okay and waited again, then went back today and asked why has it been almost 2 weeks and still nothing ?! I'm still going to this class and preparing for the exam on the 25th and need to be registered for the course on record. My professor has been enjoying my presence in the class and emails me the online readings I can no longer access. So I went in today to have the same white female/femme staff who is friendly yet extremely passive aggressive to tell me that there's nothing they can do after disappearing for like 5-10 mins "talking to their supervisor". They said that unfortunately the petition process can easily take up to 6 weeks and some courses just run for 6 weeks...

Can no one sees the problem in that system then ?! The staff continues to complain under their breath about shortage of staff and how I have the time to sit there and argue. Excuse me ?! I asked if I can meet and speak with the person that has the final say on the petitions and was denied. They wouldn't let me know the person's name or any contact info. Why is there no transparency in this so called "institution of higher learning" ? What is going on. I've emailed several professors, program coordinators, program advisors and even the student union, yet no one seems to know how to help at all... It's unfair, because the course is not full, I'm not taking anyone's place in the classroom, I already paid for the course, bought the textbook, gotten attendance and participation marks, wrote the midterm exam and now just submitted the final essay. Rules should be set in place to help students with their education/career, not stab me in the back while I'm just here trying to get my degree. And it's clear to me that it's all about power; the discourse of rule making creates a reacting discourse of either rule-following, or rule-breaking. I've been seen as an advocate to owning my education and making my own path and rules and I've been denied basic access to information and to just wait. It's a realization that strikes me because these institutions really aren't built for the marginalized, and I feel trapped within the institution where I'm told to just wait and check the online status of my petition regularly... I feel powerless, and sadly defeated. I've also already encountered problems with the UTSC Student Housing staff after an incident of anti-blackness, police threats and abuse of power took place. I gave up meetings and follow-ups with their staff due to the whiteness and hierarchy of power and still am striving as a student leader at the student union and at the UTSC women's and trans centre. And now with my own educational/career-wise plans on the line, it's personal. It's also critical to acknowledge the fact that they have removed a trans woman of colour from a heavily-discussion based course surrounding the topic of gender and sexuality, they are not only preventing me to learn and be successful, they're also devaluing the course itself by erasing diversity and representation.

It makes me anxious, to not have witnessed any transparency or access to more information. I've always been one to challenge the rules and the system, and it was easier back in secondary education when we know who's the principle and the vice-principles, guidance counsellors, we get to see who are the ones with power and authority to make final decisions. I knew my ways to get what I wanted and needed for success and I danced with the system. Yet now, in a post-secondary institution, I've been just denied access to those people above the food-chain. I feel powerless and afraid, no longer know how to dance their choreography. The University is a place that often becomes nothing but systems, records, and a business, thus we get dehumanized to a number, and so currently I'm still waiting... as Petition #PT25072.