Love... what is the opposite to that ? Hate. I can't understand how we can hate a person. Hate is a feeling that's so strong, I can hardly even handle it. We use this word way too often, and most of the time we don't even mean it. We often only hate the things they've done, rather than hate them for who they are, or, we might just dislike them in a personal way. What happens when someone else hates us ? I couldn't sleep last night, and I started thinking about a guy that may or may not hate me because he ignored my comment on his Instagram picture. Call me crazy, but that is what I do when I can't sleep. I start thinking that the whole world hates me... maybe he just forgot, or maybe he really does dislike me.
Either way, I thought to myself, "why the heck do you care if he hates you or not !?" I am not this guy's best friend, and I don't even see or talk to him anymore. It just seems crazy that I can care so much about someone who probably doesn't even follow me back on Instagram because I post too many selfies. I finally came up with an answer before forcing myself to sleep. The thing is, I admire him in a way. Not in a weird or creepy way and I don't like him, but he has what I don't have. He is also gay but he is skinny and decent looking, his boyfriends are all super hot and he is quite popular in his high school.
Let's be honest here, I am sorta popular in my high school, but not always in a good way, and I am not pretty or skinny. I am not like those girls who are beautiful and skinny but keep saying that they aren't. I'm just facing reality and say that okay, I'm not pretty or skinny, and of course I will try to change that. I had this conversation with my friend today after school and she says that it's okay if I'm not the most beautiful person or the skinniest. She said I have a great personality. I was like really !? Okay right, because that's exactly what this fashionable billion-dollar industry I'm trying to get into is all about, inner beauty. I feel so conflicting because I love all sizes on others and I am so against models that look like skin and bone. I think that big is beautiful and I always say that to other people, but I keep telling myself to be exactly what I tell people not to be. I feel so insecure about my body and so jealous of people who have the perfect bodies and faces, and it's getting a little depressing. It's like looking at the big city and wanting to own the city and be the city, but in the end, you're just a little person who nobody will notice.
I think that maybe instead of caring about what others think of us and what we think of others, we should all learn to love ourselves better. From that, we will all be happier to live and happier to be loved when we know who we really are and are happy with who we are. Know that I love you people too !!!~ *huggies*
Editor: A.B.
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