Waiting for My Prince Charming

          So it seems that I haven't wrote about boys in awhile huh ?

          I think I never got to talk about how many things ended for me, since I had a lot of things to focus on with my blog pieces for the past few months. But the summer actually helped me got over a lot of boys. Which is good, they're all straight anyway, it's better this way. I think I'm back to that point where I'm still desperate for a relationship, but I actually want to meet someone new and who can actually be attracted to me. Don't think that's going to happen either, but still better than having crazy crushes with straight teenage boys in school.

          Now let's start with Red (this is the point where if you don't know who "Red" is, you know that you clearly haven't read my blog long enough) shall we ? I saw Red once in the summer, and he has a girlfriend now. He seems to be doing well and that's great, I'm really happy for him. I'm still attracted to him, but I'm not going to like him again. I can't do this to myself, and my friends will actually kill me this time. Plus, I'm happy that Starbucks Barista boy came along in my life so I could get over Red. I never believed that using another guy to get over your crush works, but it worked for me. I didn't really try to get over Red either, it just happened after spending more time on Starbucks boy. As you all know, the Starbucks store closed and even though I have Starbucks boy's number, we don't text a lot. He seemed to be very busy and not replying to half of my texts, and I really didn't want to seem obsessive so eventually I just stopped trying. What made me really sad was that even though we didn't text a lot, our conversations were so cute and he seemed really flirty. Well I don't really know what "flirting" is really like, and he is straight (?), but I've shown all my girlfriends and they all agreed that he was being really flirty and sweet. I don't even know anymore, I assume he's just such a sweet, friendly guy that he can be sending the wrong vibes. Anyway, I haven't seen him since Starbucks closed, and I really really want to get over him. And I think I am, or at least I'm ready to be. I do miss him though...

          Since the school has started, I've been really lonely. But my stressful workload in school and outside of school have been keeping me from actually liking someone. The funny thing is, since I was hanging with friends my whole summer, I thought one of my guy friends was attractive for about a week before school started and it was so weird. He just was never my type, and I was scared that I'll actually have a crush on him. (Plus, he kinda has a thing with one of my friend...) But, it was phase and now I'm all good. BUT ! I liked this other guy (who's way more attractive) in school that also isn't my type at all for about three weeks after school has started, and it's just brutal. I've just became good friends with this boy over last school year and I really don't want to ruin a friendship. I have limited guy friends, and even though I know he'll be flattered knowing that I liked him, I'll feel weird and awkward. So I've decided not to like this guy, I'm cutting off my feelings though I have to admit, it's not totally gone... (UGH !)

          Like I said, I've gotten over my big crushes and I just want to meet someone new, before I start liking all my guy friends. It almost feel like being locked up in a tower for too long, now I've just lost my mind and having crushes on every human being with a penis. I will keep dreaming though, I have to. But it would be nice to really not think about boys for a little while, to know that I can be perfectly happy without longing for a man in my life. Instead of waiting for my Prince Charming, maybe I just need to climb down the tower myself. 

          Because right now, I'm not a Queen nor a mermaid, I'm just another lonely little Princess still waiting...

The Edge

          It's only the third week of school and I'm already stressed. I honestly don't know why I put myself in situations like this. I plan to be so involved and successful this year, but I feel like I'm just putting myself up for failures. 

          I just started grade eleven, but I'm taking a grade twelve course this semester that's extremely difficult. For someone like me, where English is my second language, maybe taking a grade twelve Women's Literature course isn't the smartest thing to do. But I love the course and I love English, so I'm going to try my best and just go with it. Also along with many club activities after school and auditioning for a few drama productions aren't making me any less stressed either. It's my last two years here, I want to be as involved as possible, but it's going to be difficult if I still want to socialize and watch T.V. like a normal teenager. Luckily, there haven't been a lot of drama in my family for the past few days, because that will be the last thing I need. But, I also haven't been home a lot so... Plus, I've been trying to upgrade my Fashion game at school this year. I want to be and look Fabulous everyday and impress both myself and others. But I'm really running out of outfit ideas here, and I have been taking at least an hour every night trying on clothes. Fashion really isn't easy... I don't think people really care if I wear sweatpants, but I'm just trying to look like I care.

          Boys will the last thing I want to think about, but I've just been so desperate lately, if you're a male who thinks you're attractive and my type, I've probably checked you out at some point since the start of September. At this point, I really don't care if you have a girlfriend or if you're straight, I will be like: "yes hot damn," when I see you. Honestly, usually I would never tell people if I'm attracted to them to avoid the awkwardness, but if you come to me and ask, I will tell you. I'm so done with life, I'm not even sassy Leon lately, I will just be like #ByeFelicia if you ever get on my nerves.

          So even though I'm super stressed and over life right now, I will still try to keep posting. But I've got to give my second blog some attention too, don't I ? (If you don't know, I just started my second official blog which will focus mainly on Fashion) Am I even human after all these expectation and plans !? But with all jokes aside, we can never know where our limits are if we don't at least push ourselves over the edge once. And it really isn't that bad, right now I still have time to watch maybe a movie or two on Netflix on some nights and I can still find time to hang out with my friends. It's all about organization !

(If you start seeing me at school with sweatpants, it means that I've been officially over the edge.)

          My second Blog (SUBSCRIBE !!!) : https://leyonce0910.wordpress.com/

"Dear Fat People"

          Well first, I want to start off saying that I will try really hard not to make this into another one of my Body Postitivity inspirational blog piece. I've done many of those and you all should know how I feel and look on the "Fat-shaming" subject. But, I'm here to talk about the reactions of this viral YouTube video "Dear Fat People" by a YouTuber Nicole Arbour. Because you see, I first had a very strong opinion that is against the message of this video, but my thoughts and views changed after understanding the people's point of views who are for this video.

          For those of you who have not watched this video or just does not want to watch it, it's basically of her making fun of fat people and saying that we should fat-shamed people to lose weight. She even said that fat people are just killing themselves, they should stop eating, and that they smell like sausages...etc. Yes, of course she's trying to be funny. And why this video has gone viral is because people got offended by her humor. I think that there's a thin line between being funny and being offensive, and just because someone is trying to use humor to cover something offensive and ugly, doesn't make it okay. But, why this video ? I went and watched some of her other videos and she did the exact same thing. Insulting and mocking people is part of comedy and even though people may get hurt, we as humans love that cheap humor. But why suddenly everyone got so angry !? It's not like she hasn't made videos like this mocking and insulting people. And I'm sure there have been a lot of other comedians who have insulted more people with jokes and cheap humor. Is it true that we humans are just too sensitive ? Are we becoming more and more sensitive, that we sometimes even face the truth ?

          I feel like it's never anyone's right to judge someone else because we don't know what it's like to be them. But the truth is that being bigger and heavier does come with consequences. And I totally understand that some people have eating disorders and health conditions, but are we really just scared of the truth ? I personally know that I was that person who just can't accept the truth that I am fat. It's not that I would lie and say I'm fit, but I would get really upset and simply do nothing. I'm upset because it hurts, but it's a truth I could never swallow in and actually do something about it. I've becoming more honest with myself this year and accepted that I am fat, but also fabulous. I am fat, but that doesn't change who I am or mean that I'm worth any less. And I am trying to eat healthier and watch my weight weekly. Truth is never easy to take in, but it's needed for us to know what's real and what's not. 

          That's why I don't even get offended by people calling me "fat" or "faggot" anymore, because it is true. I am fat and I am gay. Those words don't mean anything if I don't give them the power to hurt me. I feel like we as a society have become so scared of judgement, hate, shame and worse, the truth. Rightfully so, because they are scary and hurtful. But we need to not get offended by every single word that everyone say. We should know that we deserve better and we can't always change everyone. Let them say what they want and we will do what makes us happy. Basically, more forgiveness less fighting. After all, aren't we just like those who used hate to hurt us when we try to use hate to fight back ?

          I've actually read a theory somewhere that got me thinking. She wrote that she as a woman trying to love her body is exhausting. People try to tell everyone that they're perfect the way they are and we never believe them yet it's kinda nice to hear that from people who loves us. And I agree, loving myself can be tiring. It's unrealistic too, to tell myself everyday that I'm beautiful and perfect the way I am. Because the fact is that none of us are perfect, and even though it's great to appreciate ourselves, we can always improve and be better. That's how we grow and develop ourselves as human beings. We should love ourselves and encourage ourselves to a point, and know that it should come naturally. We shouldn't need to try to love our bodies, we should just love ourselves with our good days and bad days. 

          So dear Fat people :

If you're overweight, you are fat. That's the truth, and I'm on your team too don't worry. It sucks, but health is not determined by appearances or scales, so you do whatever you can to be healthy and happy. Love yourselves and honey, "Fat" is just a word. Don't give it the power to hurt you. Own the word, love the word, and if you're gonna be the word, be the word proudly. 

Sweet Sixteen - A Mermaid

          My sweet sixteen didn't turn out to be great. To be completely honest, I am just having a horrible week and nothing feels right for these past few days. And I am sorry for those whom I've sassed for no reason.

          I've been really stressed from school even though it has just begun a few days ago and I am really barely holding it together. I feel like I could lose it anytime. On Thursday, the day of my actual birthday, I celebrated that night with my family and my mom's friends. Honestly, the dinner was fine and everyone probably felt alright, but I had an awful day and I just had a fight with my brother before so, it basically sucked. Then last night I celebrated with my friends and it was great. Everyone had fun and we all ate pizza and hung out, but I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling well and I didn't feel like eating, I was stressed because it was the first time I had so many people over at my house. But I'm glad they had fun and that's all I wanted. 

          But today, my best friend and her mom took me out for a manicure, had some cupcakes and visited her grandpa. It was a simple day, but it was enough. No expensive big dinners or big groups of fun people, but it was a lovely and comfortable day where I could just be myself. And I think it's funny how I literally celebrated my birthday for three days and I most enjoyed the day with the most less people, cost, and presents. I had a lot of expectations for my sweet sixteen and expectations have never gotten me somewhere good. And like I said, puberty is making me really desperate. I think I really did expect my life to be a fairy tale on my birthday. A price charming would be nice, but maybe what I need isn't a price charming. Maybe my destiny to be with a sexy wizard in the woods or something that I'll need to do a little more searching for. After all, good things come to those who wait.

          I'm happy though, I'm glad that I've learned a lesson. All experiences are good as long as we learned something. And I've realized that sixteen is just a number, all I need to do is be myself and be happy. So happy birthday Leyoncé ! But I'm neither a special birthday boy nor a sassy Queen.

          I'm a mermaid.

Sex Education

          So lately in Ontario, Canada, people have been debating over the new Sex-Ed curriculum. And I just want to express that I am 100% for the liberal movement, but I still understand why many people would be against it. In many debate topics like homosexuality, racism...etc and this, it's important to look at the other side and really consider why they would be thinking that. That's the only way to win, to solve the opposite side's issues and concerns.

          People are saying that explicit anal, oral sex and masturbation will be taught to kids as young as grade ones with the new curriculum. That is just false and wrong on so many levels. I mean, I get it. No matter what the content is, grade one seems a little early for any sexual education. So I really think it should just be called the new Health curriculum before they introduce any sexual interactions. Well, according to my research with many news article, the first grades will be taught about the reproductive systems and their own body parts. The second grades will be introduced to the concept and the importance about consent. The idea of human reproduction will be in grade three and four. Grade five will actually be the first year they discuss about simple sexual interactions. Masturbation will then later be introduced in grade six, and so on. Now, that curriculum seems perfectly fine to me, doesn't it ? Like seriously, I know plenty of people and friends of mine who already started to have questions about sex and masturbation in grade four and five. We should let our children have a childhood and time to be innocent, but not let them grow and learn when they're ready ? And for self pleasuring, kids will do it. I have not talked to one person who haven't tried it. I rather my children be taught about it and know that they can talk to me and not keep secrets from me. 

          Homosexuality will be introduced as normal and natural in the grade of three. Children under this curriculum will be taught that same-sex couples are no different than people with an allergy. I don't know about you, but I think it's important that we teach our next generation to love and accept everyone's differences, beliefs, lifestyles...etc. And the school board clearly states that every parent has the right to remove their children from the Sex-Ed classes if the teaching is against their religion beliefs, but all kids have to be in class for the teachings of homosexuality and acceptance. Now, I know some parents will still be angry about that, but we are ending a dark era. We have raised awareness for so many social issues these few years that is now changing our education. We have fought for Racism, Feminism, Gender equality, Homosexuality rights, Transgender rights, and Body positivity...etc. We have to keep on fighting for our next generation. It's time for change, I know we're ready.

          Now before you start wondering why my blog is becoming some teen-inspiration speech, I have to say that I really do wish we don't need this curriculum. I wish that we live in a world that everyone can be innocent and kind. But we do need our children to learn about consent, the importance of their body and sex in a society like this. We need our kids to be safe and know how to protect themselves. And this is just my opinion, but I don't think sex is stripping away the creativity and the innocence of our children. I think that judgement, hate, discrimination, and shame are the cause of making our children more and more like the adults. There should be nothing wrong understanding human nature. 

          My only problem is not seeing love as one of the topics in the grade one health curriculum. I think that we all need to be taught on how to love others and our own bodies at the youngest age possible. Only with love, that we can keep the innocence and kindness in our future.