Last Night In Taiwan Part 2 - Looking Forward

      People change. That's the truth. No matter how badly we want it to be just a dream, it's the truth.

      When we arrived in Taiwan, I wanted to visit a lot of people. My kindergarten teacher Miss Hao for example. I love her and we have been always close. I used to call her as soon as I got back to Taiwan and we would go out for movies and dinners. It may seem a little weird that I still see my kindergarten teacher and I go to movies with a woman in her mid-forties, but it's not weird at all for me. She was a very special friend for me. She even took care of me when I was a baby because my parents were very busy back then. I slept over at her house a lot when I was young and she accepted me in all my weird ways. I stood on a chair and sang songs about mermaids and I liked to dance around with a magic wand when I was a kid and she was fine with it. She kept all my drawings when I gave them to her and I call  her "mommy" sometimes. But this time when I got back back, I contacted her and I knew that she was still single and stayed home to babysit her sister's kids. She's like an all time nanny and she's busy. I get it. But she never asked about me or said when she would be free. Some people might think that she was just busy and that it's nothing. But I'm not so sure. She used to call me all the time and ask when I'm free. Just because it has been 3 years doesn't mean our relationship is nothing now right!?

      Another person I didn't see at all is one of my cousins. She was my favorite cousin and we played together all the time when I was a kid and our families traveled together many times too. She's married now and she's pregnant. I messaged her but she never replied and it was like she vanished. Her house is quite close to ours but no visits, no calls, not even a "Welcome back to Taiwan". I still love her and I really miss her. I wonder if she even misses me. 

      I had this talk with my mom and she told me that people change over time and relationships between people change too. She asked me that if they have all moved on, why haven't I? The thing is I don't want to look forward and just move on. My memories with these people are hazy because I was so young and I want to hold on to those memories and remake those days. But I guess it's impossible now and looking forward is my only choice.  

Editor: M.B.C.

Last Night In Taiwan Part 1 - Goodbye...

      Goodbye is a funny thing. We say this word a lot, probably too much. Tonight is my last night in Taiwan, my home country, the place I grew up in. I don't have a good memory, so I can't remember a lot of the stuff about this place. But it still feels comfortable and familiar to be here with all my family and friends. 

      It's normal to be sad about leaving I guess. In the end it's my home. I know I always call NYC my home but this place is also home, maybe even more so. Some people may never understand this feeling. It wasn't just a vacation, it's way more than that. I moved to different countries a few times when I was a kid to a point where I sometimes forgot where I was. But no matter how beautiful the sky is and how amazing other countries are, people feel something different when they come back to their starting point. That's when you finally realize how far you have gone and how different you have become.

      I know that I probably won't come back to Taiwan for a while after this trip. Me and my mom have been talking about going to Quebec City and other places in the summers of my last few high school years. And after high school I want to go to Paris and then New York. It's a nice plan but the only destination not included is my home, Taiwan. I saw my Auntie crying as we were saying our goodbyes just now, and it made me want to cry too. But something was holding back the tears: Fear. I fear that it's true that I won't come back for a while. I fear saying goodbye. I fear letting go. No matter how upsetting some of my childhood memories may be, it's part of my history with my family, it's love. I'm never going to be complete without my dad, my auntie and my friends in Taiwan that I grew up with.

      If goodbye means forever then would I still leave tomorrow? Probably. Because leaving is part of growing up. My mom and my auntie left my grandparents and went to the big city Taipei after high school. They started working and rented a small apartment that was about the size of a bathroom and lived together. My mom told me that one day she was very hungry but she only had 50$ Taiwan money (about $2 CAD) and she still needed the money to bus to work and she held the money in her hands like her life depended on it. You know, independence is hard for everyone. Or at least it is for me. I don't know about you all but I don't want to grow up or leave anyone. Because I fear of losing the people I love and the memories of them. 

      But this world don't give us a choice. We have to grow up. We have to leave people at some point in our lives. 

Editor: M.B.C.      

See You Later

                          

     (Note from editor to readers: Leon was in a state of delusion because of his diet. He doesn't mean to offend his readers. He is merely ranting because of his hunger.) 

      For those who don't know, my diet has ended and it's like a woman's period (Leon's editor disagrees that he can compare it to a period since he has never experienced one before). It was short (Editor: periods are generally not short), painful, and everyone is happy that it's over. I'm sorry but I feel like I'm gonna kill all the skinny people out there if I keep on hating myself for eating a cookie. 

      I'm not gonna write another piece on how the world should see how beautiful big sizes are and how we have to be strong and stuff. Because the world can be nasty. It is not gonna be kind to most of us. I still have hope though, I'm gonna change. I will try to lose weight whenever I can so this isn't goodbye to the diet plan, it's more of a "see you later". 

      But seriously, I can not lose weight while I'm in Taiwan. The best I can do is not gain any more weight. Because Taiwan (my home land honey) is a freaking food heaven. Okay first, I haven't seen my dad for 3 years now and he wants to bring us to delicious and fancy restaurants. Only a fool would push away a plate of steak. And second, great food is a part of Taiwan's culture. There's these things called night markets that only open when the sun goes down. They sell all kinds of foods made fresh right in front of your face, cheap clothing, bags and cute Asian stuff. There's games too. Plus Taiwan has its famous bubble tea. It's sweet and fat, but delicious enough to die for. 

      So you see how hard it is now, people !!! Yeah... I'm just finding excuses. But I'm still fierce and fabulous no matter what size I am. Do not mess with the Queen bitches.

Editor: M.B.C

(Disclaimer: M.B.C doesn't take any credit for the Editor's notes in the first paragraphs, she just edited for grammar and format. She doesn't know who this editor is, but she commends them.)

Sexpectations

                         

      I have found that we all have expectations in relationships. We want love to be good, and we often imagine our relationships to be wonderful. Sex is something we especially have huge expectations for. Either you're not good at it and you're hoping that he/she/they will make it somewhat decent, or maybe you're great and you want someone who is just as good or better. To be honest, I think that expectations are natural for us. It's normal to want something at its best. But I wonder how many people actually have the luck to experience the fulfillment of their expectations.

      In relationships, expectations are so common and range widely. How did these expectations even start in our little heads? That's a question that I can never answer with my IQ. But we all know what kind of ridiculous expectations we have for others so I guess I don't need to mention that in detail. 

      But I have just thought about the expectations we have for ourselves. We expect ourselves to love the other person in the relationship, to accept and respect their decisions and opinions. Sometimes we even expect ourselves to change for him/her. But even I know that it's very hard to change ourselves. So what happens when we can't fulfill those expectations? Maybe the other person speaks up and we try again, maybe they overlook our flaws or maybe the relationship slowly drives itself into destruction... 

      I think it's okay to have these expectations. But we all need to understand that it might not work out the way we wanted it to. How we deal with disappointment shows us where our relationships will head.

Editor: M.B.C