Goodbye is a funny thing. We say this word a lot, probably too much. Tonight is my last night in Taiwan, my home country, the place I grew up in. I don't have a good memory, so I can't remember a lot of the stuff about this place. But it still feels comfortable and familiar to be here with all my family and friends.
It's normal to be sad about leaving I guess. In the end it's my home. I know I always call NYC my home but this place is also home, maybe even more so. Some people may never understand this feeling. It wasn't just a vacation, it's way more than that. I moved to different countries a few times when I was a kid to a point where I sometimes forgot where I was. But no matter how beautiful the sky is and how amazing other countries are, people feel something different when they come back to their starting point. That's when you finally realize how far you have gone and how different you have become.
I know that I probably won't come back to Taiwan for a while after this trip. Me and my mom have been talking about going to Quebec City and other places in the summers of my last few high school years. And after high school I want to go to Paris and then New York. It's a nice plan but the only destination not included is my home, Taiwan. I saw my Auntie crying as we were saying our goodbyes just now, and it made me want to cry too. But something was holding back the tears: Fear. I fear that it's true that I won't come back for a while. I fear saying goodbye. I fear letting go. No matter how upsetting some of my childhood memories may be, it's part of my history with my family, it's love. I'm never going to be complete without my dad, my auntie and my friends in Taiwan that I grew up with.
If goodbye means forever then would I still leave tomorrow? Probably. Because leaving is part of growing up. My mom and my auntie left my grandparents and went to the big city Taipei after high school. They started working and rented a small apartment that was about the size of a bathroom and lived together. My mom told me that one day she was very hungry but she only had 50$ Taiwan money (about $2 CAD) and she still needed the money to bus to work and she held the money in her hands like her life depended on it. You know, independence is hard for everyone. Or at least it is for me. I don't know about you all but I don't want to grow up or leave anyone. Because I fear of losing the people I love and the memories of them.
But this world don't give us a choice. We have to grow up. We have to leave people at some point in our lives.
Editor: M.B.C.
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