Red

      I am now in love with the song "Red" by Taylor Swift as I decided that the lyrics match my feelings for my crush. It is a horrible song choice because there's only like one sentence that applies to the complicated feelings I have for him. Plus, he already knows... High school can be scary. You have to be aware of who's around you and what you say. He knows that I have feelings for him now and it's just awkward for me, not so much for him. From what I've heard, he's flatted and seemed amused. Apparently, I have told someone that can't keep her mouth shut. Maybe I trust people too easily, but maybe this is for the better. Sometimes it feel better and relieved when the truth is out in the air.

      He is the only one I didn't get over. If you had read one of my pieces before, I'm interested in three guys. During the summer, I got over two of them finally after knowing they're no good, but this one is different. I don't know if I can ever get over him. You know that feeling when you get excited to see him in the hallway but you want to look like you don't notice him at all ? When you keep it low key, try to hide your blush and just stare at him secretly ? But you still need to make sure you look fabulous just in case he notices you ? That's me.

      This all seem pointless because he is straight. There will be 0% chance for me and him no matter what. Even if he turns out bisexual, he would never ever go for a guy like me. It is tiring to like him, and it almost hurts. I have a class with him next semester, that's just...yeah I might die. My friends say that I will just stare at him all class, which might be true but I have to stop. I don't want to embarrass myself even more since he already knows ! Getting over him will be hard but I know it's the right thing to do. Except that feelings don't work like that. You can't just stop thinking about someone.

      Why can't I like someone that plays on my team !? All my life, whenever I see a shooting star, get a friendship bracelet or when it's 11:11, I only wish for one thing: love. That burning bright love, just like the colour red. I won't stop wishing for it, because I won't give up. I believe that one day, I will get over this "Him". It will require a lot of time with a heart-breaking pain, but I will get through it. I have to. 

      For any girls and guys out there who's experiencing the same thing as me right now. Do not give up, have hope for that exciting, painful, and red love.

      Editor: A.B.

      

Gender & Sex

      Our sex shouldn't separate us. Our sex shouldn't define us. Our sex doesn't change who we are inside, but influences our outer shells and some puberty processes. I think that our society still has a long way to go with letting kids our age and the next generations in knowing that what body we're born into isn't everything. It's something we stereotyped for people to put us into groups. This can be changed because what's inside is stronger than our sexes and how we look.

      I just hate it when I'm defined by my sex. Because I'm gay, I'm more comfortable hanging out with girls and most of my friends are indeed females, but there will always a gap between me and them. I can feel it when they tell each other something but say "Oh you don't need to know, you're a boy." or maybe when I can't go to sleepovers because their parents won't let me just because of my gender. Like if one of the girls is bisexual, would the parents stop that girl from going ? Probably not. Because you can't always know their sexual orientation, but what you do know is their sex is. 

      Sometimes I just think that it will be so much easier if I'm a straight cis male or just a cis female. I'm sorry if I'm complaining a little bit because I know that this is my life. I will feel shitty because of this situation a lot in my life and I have to suck it up. But what pisses me off is that people still don't get it. A lot of people are up for LGBTQ rights and equality but most of us don't notice that when we talk about equality, it isn't just for those who need the legal rights. Sometimes it's those little things like sex that we forget to work on.

      I am so concerned when I had this conversation when my other 2 friends about the intimate act, sex. It's nothing perverted. Me and my friends talk about sex with a mature attitude and sometimes in a science-y way. We talk about how it's different in many religions, cultures and stuff. Anyway, they think that people should only have sex after marriage and I totally understand. I respect their opinion and everything but you know, I think sex and marriage can be two different things. I feel like it's something so beautiful and intimate with another human being that if you both know what's right and you both are ready then it's okay. Still I'm not saying underage sex (underage for me is like under 12) is encouraged though. Then they said, "Well you're a guy, you won't understand. Sex is more emotionally connected for girls." Then I was like okay, I get why a lot of people think that guys don't care about sex because there are a lot of jerks. This isn't true for all guys. I know way too many girls who do sexual things with guys and are like, "whatever". So I personally think that it's wrong to stereotype men this way. I am a guy and I think that sex is something very intimate and emotional for me. Just because I think it is okay to have sex before marriage doesn't mean I don't have that emotional connection. 

      Then one of them said, "Well sex should be after marriage because it's also for reproduction right ?" I paused and replied, "What about same-sex sexual interactions ?" I couldn't believe that she replied, "Well it's different, for gays it's kinda more for fun." Like yes, there's pleasure in sex but is that what people think !? That gays and guys have sex for fun ? Soon after, I stopped the conversation and said we can get back to it some other day because I was tired. I love my friends and they are like the best, and I don't know maybe it came out wrong or they just meant it another way...

      In the end, we are humans. I feel like there's so much more than just sexual acts and the bodies we're born into. everyone is different. I know a girl who doesn't feel the need to shave her legs, and another girl who acts tough and love transformers, a guy who wears a skirt, and a guy who is scared of everything. It's so beautiful to see people breaking the stereotypes and be who they just want to be. Who they really are inside. Be yourself, because that's what shines the brightest.    

Editor: A.B.

Self Love

      Love... what is the opposite to that ? Hate. I can't understand how we can hate a person. Hate is a feeling that's so strong, I can hardly even handle it. We use this word way too often, and most of the time we don't even mean it. We often only hate the things they've done, rather than hate them for who they are, or, we might just dislike them in a personal way. What happens when someone else hates us ? I couldn't sleep last night, and I started thinking about a guy that may or may not hate me because he ignored my comment on his Instagram picture. Call me crazy, but that is what I do when I can't sleep. I start thinking that the whole world hates me... maybe he just forgot, or maybe he really does dislike me. 

      Either way, I thought to myself, "why the heck do you care if he hates you or not !?" I am not this guy's best friend, and I don't even see or talk to him anymore. It just seems crazy that I can care so much about someone who probably doesn't even follow me back on Instagram because I post too many selfies. I finally came up with an answer before forcing myself to sleep. The thing is, I admire him in a way. Not in a weird or creepy way and I don't like him, but he has what I don't have. He is also gay but he is skinny and decent looking, his boyfriends are all super hot and he is quite popular in his high school. 

      Let's be honest here, I am sorta popular in my high school, but not always in a good way, and I am not pretty or skinny. I am not like those girls who are beautiful and skinny but keep saying that they aren't. I'm just facing reality and say that okay, I'm not pretty or skinny, and of course I will try to change that. I had this conversation with my friend today after school and she says that it's okay if I'm not the most beautiful person or the skinniest. She said I have a great personality. I was like really !? Okay right, because that's exactly what this fashionable billion-dollar industry I'm trying to get into is all about, inner beauty. I feel so conflicting because I love all sizes on others and I am so against models that look like skin and bone. I think that big is beautiful and I always say that to other people, but I keep telling myself to be exactly what I tell people not to be. I feel so insecure about my body and so jealous of people who have the perfect bodies and faces, and it's getting a little depressing. It's like looking at the big city and wanting to own the city and be the city, but in the end, you're just a little person who nobody will notice.

      I think that maybe instead of caring about what others think of us and what we think of others, we should all learn to love ourselves better. From that, we will all be happier to live and happier to be loved when we know who we really are and are happy with who we are. Know that I love you people too !!!~ *huggies* 

Editor: A.B.

Holding On

      Time is beautiful. It gives us the opportunity to experience the happiness and love in our lives. Time is also pretty dark and scary if you actually think about it. It ages us, and with time, pain can grow. It's pushing us towards death every second. Time doesn't give us a date or an hour for when death comes. Sometimes, death happens suddenly and we never know how much time exactly we have left to live. So doesn't it just make sense that we need to be grateful of what we have at this moment ? We should grasp on to the things and people we love tightly, because we know that if something happens, we will lose them no matter how tightly we hold on. 

      I'm 15 now. I just had my birthday a few weeks ago and I'm just starting my year of grade 10. It felt fast and unexpected, like I was still in grade 9 yesterday. I realized that if i don't pay attention, high school could be over anytime. I feel like that we have to push ourselves forward and out of our shells, because if we don't, we might end up with those regrets that haunt us forever. 

      To be honest, I'm terrified of time. I'm afraid of when high school will end. I won't be able to let go of my friends. I'm afraid of how I might not fulfill my future dreams. I'm afraid of being alone with time. I'm mostly afraid of not being able to be alive to experience life, and that is why I need to hold on. I need to hold on to everything I have right now in life. We can never win over time, but we can appreciate it and use it without regrets. 

Editor: A.B.

Feminist

      I am a feminist. I think that a lot of people out there think that feminists hate men, and that feminists want to overpower men. But no, here's the definition of feminist: "A person who believes in the social and political equality of both sexes." 

     I have always been a feminist, but after listening to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's speech about feminism on TED, I was so touched and inspired that I realized it's a very serious thing that needs to be heard. A lot of people think that there's no need for feminism. They say, "Oh come on, it's 2014, we, as a society, are fair to women these days." And sure, maybe in Canada, women are treated fairly in most situations. But it is not so in a lot of countries in Asia and other places like Africa. Other places and countries have cultures that traditionally put men first and value men more. For example, in the Chinese culture, they give men more power and they often feel like having a son is better. Many women are pressured during their pregnancy because of this tradition. They feel ashamed and blamed when it's not a boy. It's not only mean to the baby girls, it's also very rude to the mothers. 

      And I have noticed a few things in relationships. When a woman gains weight, most men say something about it. But what happens when a man puts on some weight ? Nothing is, or can be, said. We have this ridiculous pressure and expectations on women and girls these days. It's sick and unhealthy and it pushes young girls into making bad decisions. 

     Also, people are always using insults like "Don't be such a girl." "Grow some balls." "Why you gotta be such a pussy?" First of all, there is nothing wrong being a girl and it is definitely okay for a guy to be girly. And when people tell us to grow some balls, why? Balls are weak and sensitive, like, have you never gotten kicked there before ? If you have to say something, you should tell people to grow a vagina. Because that body part is strong and tough. Vaginas go through bleeding every month.

      I just think that we humans should be equal. I really don't think that feminists are against men in any way. And most men don't realize there's even a problem because they don't feel the affects. They are not the ones being targeted. Do not even make me mention the sex slaves rate for women in other countries or woman's abuse. Though I will mention that abusing a man is not acceptable either. Equality is for both sexes.

      And sex. Girls and women are taught that they lose something when they have sex - their virginity. But for guys, nothing bad is told to happen when they have sex. Girls are shamed and hated if they dress in a more revealing way, yet girl's bodies are used everywhere in commercials and advertisements. I think that girls should be sexy for themselves, to feel good about themselves. It's their body and they can use it as a powerful asset. It's the same with heels. Some wear heels to feel confident, sexy and powering. It shouldn't be to make boys like them.

Editor: M.B.C.