Attention Seeker

          An attention seeker ? Asking for a reaction ? Why aren't we all ? Isn't the soul purpose of a social interaction seeking reactions from other human beings ?

          Attention: (noun) - notice taken of someone or something, the regarding of someone or something as interesting or important.

          Am I not a human being that's important enough to ask for your attention ? Are my emotions and concerns perhaps not interesting or important enough for your care and love ? Or are maybe my anxiousness, self-hating thoughts, and my troubling emotions just signs of annoyance to you ? Do you even care ?

          I understand that it can be repetitive, and sometimes annoying. I understand that others can be stressed, and also dealing with their problems. But it really hurts. To me, being seen or called as an attention seeker is worse than being called a faggot, fat, and ugly. It makes me feel like my emotions and anxiety are extra, and it erases the importance of my troubling mind. It makes me feel guilty, it makes me want to silence myself. But then I remember, if I keep quiet and suffer internally, people usually are even more concern, then isn't that also an act of attention seeking !? How should I act ? What should I say ? It just all adds on to my concern of interacting with others. 

         We all are attention seekers, then why am I shamed for being one ? I agree that some are more than others, but I think that instead of shaming them for needing love, care, and confirmation, why can't we look into more of why they need this ? And how we can help them ? To be honest, even though every human being is an attention seeker. I completely agrees that I was a very extreme one. I used to do it because I needed love, I needed confirmation, and approval from others. I was insecure, and I was mentally just very self-hating. But now, I'm different, and some people can't seem to see that I'm stronger and better now. Now if I'm having a rant and criticizing myself, it's because I just had a bad day and I don't want to internalize it. I could care less for your approval. So, stop and look at me now for who I am, not my actions and intentions two years ago.

          Just something to keep in mind, because at least for myself anyways, I never want anyone else to feel like their concerns and troubles are extra. Everything that we feel and think, are important. We need to value that, and respect that.