Loving Myself when Depressed.

          How can one love oneself when Depressed ? Well, can you really ? Yes, of course you can ! It will just take practice, and time. Self-Love is always a journey.

          My therapist said to me, 

"When You're struggling with Depression, You need to be even more compassionate with yourself, more forgiving. Give yourself some credit for even getting out of bed, or getting dressed...etc."

          It seems like an easy thing to do, but it's not. I find it extremely difficult to have Self-Compassion, to forgive myself, to cut myself some slack...etc. So maybe I thought, if I record this journey here, I'll be more hopeful, seeing my progress. Yet firstly, I do want to apologize, to those readers that may not wish to read about my Mental Health journey. I know that I use to write about more fun things, like boy crushes, relationships' dramas...etc. Now, it's just me.

          I drag my body to school, but I'm not able to concentrate in class. I feel anxious, sad, and tired. I just want to drop out of school, and sleep. I don't want to see my friends, and I feel like everyone is disappointed in me. I no longer find joy in extra-curricular activities, but I'm still there. I feel like a zombie, just dragging myself to places where I need to be, yet not being able to feel anything. I feel like I'm not talented and not smart enough, and I'm angry of how behind I am with class work. I start to not see a purpose in school anymore... 
          Now, that's a typical day for me at school. How can we turn it into something more encouraging and self-loving ? Okay. First of all, I actually got myself out of bed, dressed, and I went to school. That's an accomplishment. It is. It is for me. And if I forced myself to go to activity clubs, and engage with social activities (faked or not). That's another accomplishment. I did something. Also, yes I'm behind in school work, but I'm trying my best to catch up, even if I finish one assignment a week, that's still something. Anything, no matter how small, is something. Finally, I need to be proud of myself that I made it through the day, that I survived another day. Tomorrow will be a new day, a new challenge, and I'll be okay.

          I think that I've been hating myself because I have Depression, thinking that because I've driven people away, because I'm struggling, I'm not being a "good person". Yet, I should love myself even more now because I have Depression. I shall even love my Depression. I don't know how much love I'll need, but I know that I need it. And I'll start by learning how to be more forgiving and compassionate with my own self. It's not perfect nor is it easy, but it's a start.