Feminism.

          It's 2016 and some are still not educated on the issue of Gender Equality... Before I get on my semi educational content semi life rant, I would like to express some personal analysis of these issues. 

          I think that people get stuck behind their views against movements like the Feminist movements, the Race Equality movements or the LGBTQIA+ movements really just because they're afraid. I mean, I have to admit, I have encounter people who do have reasonable understanding statements against some of these movements, but really rare. Most are either just not educated, and/or stubborn and selfish. Those who are not educated, can be scared of the unknown and start gathering information that's incorrect or harmful to the movement. Those who are stubborn and selfish, often only look at themselves or people like them, not really caring or thinking about the other sides' perspectives. I think that sometimes people forget that there's a thing call the past, people forget the history and how much we as a society had went through, and people forget about the future, they forget about how much of a difference we can make to make our society a better place. People can be so close minded that they only look at the present, they look what themselves have, and they want to do nothing else and help no one else.

          1) "What about Men ?"

Well, Feminism is a movement started by women to fight against the Gender Inequality in our society, the first wave movement started all the way back in early-mid 1900's. And that's why it's named "Feminism". Now through the second, third waves and on, the Feminism movement now includes all people including men, women of colour, trans women, lesbian women...etc. because people realize that we have one goal for the movement, and that's "... the social, political, and economic equality between the sexes.". I understand that some radical groups of the movement takes it to an extreme and promotes the idea of angry women hating on men, but that is not what Feminism is about and we can not give in into the backlash of this important movement throughout history. Remember to try educating yourselves on all kinds of social political movements, and don't believe the wrongfully bias-contained ideas of the movements.

          2) "Rape culture, Gender inequality, Female sexualization isn't a thing."

No. Please. Honey, just stop it and go educate yourself. :)

          3) "Women are basically equal to men now in our modern society."

Well, that's debatable, but I understand what you're trying to say. Now, think about the women in other countries, or even women in your community ? Just because you're not living in a home, a community, a city, a country that shows Gender Inequality, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You will be surprised if you go research and see the statistics of the violence and unfairness towards women even in our society here in North America. You may not see it, hear it, or experience it, but you should acknowledge it and spread awareness for those who experience it.

          4) "... But those Feminazis... angry women... lesbians... men-hating... "

*Sigh*... Really ? Come on, no. Just no.

          5) "Not all women want to free the nipple."

Yes, very true. As a person with a biological male body, I wouldn't want to go shirtless either in a public space, not really anyways without reasons. But Feminism is about choice. The movement fights for the equality for women to choose, and to have the right to do such things if/when they do it. Also, women are constantly being objectified and breasts are NOT sexual organs to begin with !!!

          6) "Women are not being objectified."

If you're saying it because of men are also objectified, I totally understand, and many feminists encourage for people to pay attention to the male issues too. After all, it is about equality of both sexes. Now, some say this because they think that it's okay to objectify women, but do I really need to explain the cause of rape culture and consent ? And just because you're okay with something, doesn't mean it's not a thing or not wrong. Also, the beauty standards in our society is really messed up, it teaches women to even objectify themselves. It's not healthy and not helping the movement at all. Now, men did start the thing, objectifying women and all. Men did invent things like stilettos and bikinis because they wanted women to be sexy, and now girls feel like they're not beautiful enough to impress the boys without meeting all these crazy beauty standards.

          7) "I don't support Feminism because I don't agree with all the movements' ideals and goals."

Personally, I think you can still be a Feminist even if you disagree with some things included in the movement. I've talked to girls who don't identify as a Feminist because she doesn't support abortion. I feel like yes, you can disagree things like that base on your religion, culture, or any other personal views, yet you should still support the movement of Gender Equality. You don't have to free the nipple, and you don't have to have an abortion, but let those women who want to/need to have the right and the choice to do so. Just love, care, and support. That's all you need to do.

           We should all be proud of being a Feminist and support this beautiful and important movement to not only let both sexes be equal, but then to bring them up altogether. We are all humans, we should all stand as one and help each other be better, for a better future and society. 

Don't Give In.

 

           So lately, with the weather slowly warming up and us finally able to see the birth of Spring, I've been starting to change my wardrobe for the upcoming seasons of Spring/Summer. And you know what's fabulous ? I've finally starting to gain more confidence and self-love for my body. Plus, I just bought some really cute summer dresses too. Yet while this is all happening, some of my friends have been expressing their concerns...

          People talk to me about classiness and modesty, some of my friends were even starting to worry that I'm putting myself in dangerous situations of assault or even rape. Even though I very much appreciate for my dearest friends' care and concern, I refuse to cover up. It's not that I don't think about the possible outcomes and consequences, or about me having to feel sexy and show an amount of skin everyday, or maybe even me not believing that people would do such things. But the thing is, I don't want to give in. I feel like it'll be wrong to submit myself into this fear. All my life, I've limited myself, I've always cared more about others' opinions and judgments more than my own happiness and freedom. Now, I'm changing, and I have to be free. 

          I am not comparing rape to bullying at all, yet it's similar to back when I wanted to wear heels, or even come out. My friends were concerned about the way I would be treated or the bullying I could face. Yet I feel like I can no longer hide myself or close myself in because of these possible outcomes and consequences. I will not cover up coming from a place of fearing the world, and I don't want to assume that things will happen either. I may be too idealistic and positive, but I want to believe in the humanity and kindness of us human beings. Reminding people the consequences of rape by their clothing choices can easily be a form of victim blaming. No matter what we wear, and no matter who we are, nobody deserves any kinds of assault or harassment. Now, if you're generally upset or uncomfortable with my appearance, I would probably cover up depending on the situation. Trust me, I would never want to upset anyone or force my confidence and fashion statements in people's faces. I just think that all this fear does is feeding into the rape culture in our society and giving power to the predators and attackers. If you think about it, it's cruel, for people to think about what a victim was wearing or how a victim can be putting himself/herself into such situations when all it does is making a victim feel ashamed and at fault. And it upsets me that people think that we should all be cautious and protective of ourselves to this extent because of rape and harassment. And it's true, it can be stupid to still be proud and tall knowing the possible outcomes and reactions. But I truly believe that this is how we can make a difference. I may not be able to do much, but me wearing heels and wearing makeup is my way of standing up against bullying, against hate towards the LGBTQIA+ community and this will be my way of saying no to assault. I will not be apologetic of what I stand for and I will not show my fear or give in to the haters.

          It shouldn't be this way, people should not have to be afraid. Sometimes I get scared too, as a man frequently in a dress, I can easily be a target. But I remind myself that I need to brave and strong, this is who I am and I shouldn't have to be scared. I shouldn't have to trade in my liberty and comfort for my safety. I shouldn't have to be reminded of what might happen to me just because I'm wearing a short dress. I shouldn't have to feel like if I don't be careful and watch how I dress, this possible outcome will be my fault. This is my body, my freedom, and my power. This is me.

          I will not give in, and we shouldn't have to.

How To Be Single 2.0 - Loneliness.

          Sometimes when we're single, we get lonely. Sometimes we even become desperate and turn back and look at the people we've dated or liked. Or maybe even just start to develop feelings for someone around us. But we have to remember, that feelings are okay, yet desperate feelings are not.

          There will always be good and bad times, highs and lows while you're single, or in a relationship. It's just how life is in general. Being lonely is okay, embrace that feeling. Loneliness can sometimes burst out of no where and you wonder why you're alone, and how much you wish you can have someone by your side. Yet loneliness can occur even if you're in a relationship. Loneliness isn't something you feel when you're alone, loneliness is something you feel when you can't accept the way you are alone.

          How To Be Single 2.0:

Don't always feed the devil. Don't always let your emotions flood over your sense of logic. Random Acts of desperation coming from the feeling of loneliness can never make you truly happy, not can it solve the feeling of loneliness. For some, loneliness can even be a pattern. Remember that you're never truly alone, you have so many people in your life and it's really not that horrible as some thinks. Plus, there is half of population on Earth that's the same as you, single, yet very fabulous.

Stay Fabulous, xoxo

Gender Trouble Part 2 - Me.

          You know, maybe my mom is more supportive than I thought.

          After yesterday's event with my mom's friend, my mom barely said a word about the topic, so I started a conversation with her later on alone because I wanted to know her opinion of me questioning to be transgender. She's actually pretty chill, but she still lectured me, like a mom.

          She gave me a talk about dress codes and all that stuff. She still doesn't like me in dresses, but not because of me identifying as a female, but because of my size. I mean, her views on beauty isn't perfect, but at least she's chill. She also mentioned that she thinks that I dress myself in a way that's extremely sexy and feminine because of the way I feel like I have to prove my femininity, to make a passable woman. Yet she wants me to understand that I don't need my heels and mini skirts to feel that power, I should have that power in me. The essence of me shouldn't be because of the glamour, the sex appeal, or the femininity that I'm trying to portray. The femininity and grace should be within me even just with my sensual vulnerability. The power and beauty of me should be because of my talent, my passion, my love and care for others, and not be there because of a shell that I've used to prove something to the world.

          I mean, of course she could've meant it in a way to convince me not to dress like that, but thanks to her, I realized that it's true. I've armored myself to such extremes to prove something. Sometimes I dress to impress others instead of myself. And now I wonder if I do anything for myself, because of the fact that I care so much. I just care so much for the others who surround me, what they think and how they feel, but I need to not only start thinking about myself, but for myself. I need to love myself for me and be beautiful because I feel beautiful, not because I want to look beautiful.

          Again, it's a work in progress and it takes time. But this is all worth it, I have to find myself.

Editor K.L.S

Gender Trouble Part 1 - Time.

          During my trip to Toronto for an university's open house, my mom's friend started asking questions about my gender as I'm basically now wearing dresses whenever I feel like it. There was definitely tension, and I tried really hard to explain my case of questioning if I'm transgender and how I identify as gender-fluid at the moment. I also used some of my gender studies' knowledge to defend myself talking about gender theories and the gender spectrum.

          What got to me is the lack of appreciation and knowledge some adults have for the transgender community. The way they think that you have to look feminine and look like a "female" or else it's not natural or beautiful. The idea of a passable woman is disgusting and scary. For example, if I'm transgender and I don't look feminine enough or if people can easily tell that I was born in a male body, I can get more judgement. It sickens me how the idea of passing as a female or not base on the society's definition of femininity. My mom's friend also had a hard time understanding my decision to come out as gender-fluid when I'm questioning if I'm transgender, saying things like: "Why can't you respect your male body?", "I understand, I see some men who are transgender and I see why, because they look so feminine and slim. Yet you have a very masculine body and face...", and "Well if you're gender fluid, why not wear more men clothes, it can be uncomfortable for others...". It upsets me that I may not make a passable woman, yet I think we need to know that this is all bullshit. No one has the right to tell a woman, whether born a female or male, it does not matter, how a woman should look. No one has the right to define femininity and masculinity. No one has the right to decide for you. No one.

          One thing that she said that spoke to me though was the fact that I'm now wearing "female" clothes 90% of the time. I can't possibly deny the fact that I feel happier and more beautiful to traditional female attire, and that says something against the idea of gender fluidity. I'm not fluid. I try really hard not to define femininity and masculinity, and convince myself and the world that there shouldn't be gender labels on fashion. Yet, I still do it.

          I realize that it's no longer about my family and getting the resource and support if I do ever transition. Because, I don't have to have a vagina to be a woman. That is not what a woman is about, and I can still identify as a female even with a penis. I think it's just difficult for me to actually get into the mindset of being transgender. I've repressed my femininity for so long and it's scary. Also, as a person who's very much into fashion and beauty, I know I will never be passable in my own mind. I have to change my mindset, I have to be more free and open minded towards myself. 

          I'm still in denial, and now, all I need is... Time.