So lately, with the weather slowly warming up and us finally able to see the birth of Spring, I've been starting to change my wardrobe for the upcoming seasons of Spring/Summer. And you know what's fabulous ? I've finally starting to gain more confidence and self-love for my body. Plus, I just bought some really cute summer dresses too. Yet while this is all happening, some of my friends have been expressing their concerns...
People talk to me about classiness and modesty, some of my friends were even starting to worry that I'm putting myself in dangerous situations of assault or even rape. Even though I very much appreciate for my dearest friends' care and concern, I refuse to cover up. It's not that I don't think about the possible outcomes and consequences, or about me having to feel sexy and show an amount of skin everyday, or maybe even me not believing that people would do such things. But the thing is, I don't want to give in. I feel like it'll be wrong to submit myself into this fear. All my life, I've limited myself, I've always cared more about others' opinions and judgments more than my own happiness and freedom. Now, I'm changing, and I have to be free.
I am not comparing rape to bullying at all, yet it's similar to back when I wanted to wear heels, or even come out. My friends were concerned about the way I would be treated or the bullying I could face. Yet I feel like I can no longer hide myself or close myself in because of these possible outcomes and consequences. I will not cover up coming from a place of fearing the world, and I don't want to assume that things will happen either. I may be too idealistic and positive, but I want to believe in the humanity and kindness of us human beings. Reminding people the consequences of rape by their clothing choices can easily be a form of victim blaming. No matter what we wear, and no matter who we are, nobody deserves any kinds of assault or harassment. Now, if you're generally upset or uncomfortable with my appearance, I would probably cover up depending on the situation. Trust me, I would never want to upset anyone or force my confidence and fashion statements in people's faces. I just think that all this fear does is feeding into the rape culture in our society and giving power to the predators and attackers. If you think about it, it's cruel, for people to think about what a victim was wearing or how a victim can be putting himself/herself into such situations when all it does is making a victim feel ashamed and at fault. And it upsets me that people think that we should all be cautious and protective of ourselves to this extent because of rape and harassment. And it's true, it can be stupid to still be proud and tall knowing the possible outcomes and reactions. But I truly believe that this is how we can make a difference. I may not be able to do much, but me wearing heels and wearing makeup is my way of standing up against bullying, against hate towards the LGBTQIA+ community and this will be my way of saying no to assault. I will not be apologetic of what I stand for and I will not show my fear or give in to the haters.
It shouldn't be this way, people should not have to be afraid. Sometimes I get scared too, as a man frequently in a dress, I can easily be a target. But I remind myself that I need to brave and strong, this is who I am and I shouldn't have to be scared. I shouldn't have to trade in my liberty and comfort for my safety. I shouldn't have to be reminded of what might happen to me just because I'm wearing a short dress. I shouldn't have to feel like if I don't be careful and watch how I dress, this possible outcome will be my fault. This is my body, my freedom, and my power. This is me.
I will not give in, and we shouldn't have to.
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