The Fault In Our Stars

                   

      The movie was great, the book was even better. However, it had me thinking: is this what love does to a person? Just like any other love story, they meet, they fall in love, and their life changes for the better because of each other. This is more than that. It seems so unrealistic and real at the same time. The book teaches us things about life, love, pain and loss, using words that are as simple as "okay". To be honest, I don't really know what to write about, I'm speechless to be exact. You really have to read the book, or watch the movie, to understand the emotions and the lessons given.

      We humans are like stars in the night sky. Some of us shine brighter, and are easier to be seen. Most of us, however, are not going to be heroes, not going to be remembered by the world. We are still special to those who know us and those we know. Sometimes, we just have to keep on shining. Not having the world see our glow, but keeping it for ourselves and the ones we love.

       When Hazel was crying after hearing that Augustus dies, it makes me wonder: will anyone cry for me like that? Will anyone remember me like that? I mean, after all, it is a love story. Even if we don't find our Augustus Waters, we still need to keep on living. We can't just wait for our love to come find us, sometimes we have to go search for it ourselves. That's the thing I hate, and also love, about stories like this. It gives us hope. It gives me hope. It lets me believe that if I were to struggle in life, I would have somebody to lean on to and know that our love will be "okay".

       I believe it, I have to. The world would just be too depressing if I couldn't believe in love like this. I believe that someday I will find someone that I'm happy to live beside. Somebody who can give me a forever and somebody who shines bright just for me.

      So stars, go shine. Light up the dark night and somebody else's heart.
      "Okay ?" 
      "Okay."

Editor: A.B.

Normal

      Normal. Define normal. For me, normality is a standard created by humans and societies. Sometimes we people get so comfortable and used to standards and rules that when we find contrasts and differences, we tend to push against them. I believe, everything is normal. Maybe not for everyone, but for some people: that's normal, that's comfortable and free for them. It's fear. We fear of being uncomfortable, being out of the box and out of our usual zones. The normal box is getting bigger and expanding, people are learning how to accept more things and putting those things into our normal box. It isn't about expanding the box, it's about opening the box. No matter how big the box is, there will always be things outside not being accepted, and people being trapped in their own boxes. I think we should all see the creativity and beauty outside the box, where everything is accepted and free.

      Sometimes I wonder what the world will be like where people break the standards of normality and beauty. Where we will finally understand that all humans need to be accepted. Where everyone believes that we all are beautiful the way we are. Where a male can be who he wants to be even if it means to dress like another gender. Where we can turn our flaws into inner strength and confidence. Where we understand that being different is wonderful. Where we can put ourselves in others' shoes and know how courageous they were to break out of the box. Where we can all love.

      I break through the box and standards every day. I truly believe that heels and pearls are not just for females, and men who have the confident to put them on shouldn't have to decide if their label is "gay" or "transgender" or "drag" to justify what they do. The only label we all should have is "human" . We, as the same species, are equal and shouldn't be separated by our gender, our sexual orientation, our race, our strength, our body type, our health or our wealth.

      I have hope for our future. That one day people will understand the true meaning of normal and different because I can see our people, our society changing, and slowly accepting more and more differences. I don't expect people to accept all the differences in others right away. It takes time, and they can have their opinion and their voice too. Just never hate because you disagree, never offend them just because you don't understand. Don't question, don't judge, and don't show rudeness or be offensive.

      Just love. For the sake of all humans and the respect they all deserve. For the sake of personal freedom and acceptance. Just love.

Editor: A.B.

In Return

      Have you ever felt like you don't matter in a friendship? Like you're always a second choice, and your feelings don't matter to them? I try to give so much care and love to them to keep the friendship running, but sometimes it's a race that I feel like I will never win, because you can only give so much. Maybe that person does want this friendship, and maybe they do care, but I can't feel it. I couldn't help but wonder if I am selfish, that I am just seeking the equal amount love and care that I gave to them. I felt the need to prove that I care about them to the world, and showed them how important this friendship was to me, but sometimes they don't always feel the same way I do. Maybe they don't think I am giving them the care and love they want. Maybe they are trying to give more, but something's causing them to hold back.

      It just hurts so much. Feeling so desperate for care and love, thinking the whole time that they would give some of it in return. I can't blame them, or stay mad at them even for a second, because I know that letting go of the friendship will hurt so much more than sacrificing yourself for them. So, I pretend that I'm mad and upset at them to try to make them realize how much I care, but to them, I guess I'm nothing special. What am I to them? What am I to her? I spent my whole time holding so tightly to this friendship, thinking that she would be the one grabbing on if I let go. I was wrong.

      I tried to get mad, I tried to blame it on her, but what can I say: I can't. I know for a fact that it isn't her fault. Who will get the blame, then? Me. I was the one who shouldn't have been so immature and desperate. I was the one who didn't give us space. It seems like everything just comes back to ourselves doesn't it?

      I realise that I can't back down this time. I refuse to be the one running back to the friendship and try to fix it. I hate to admit that I was wrong, and I was the immature one. Whatever happens this time, I need to stick with my pride, and not show emotions, even if I'm dying in the inside. Is my pride worth the pain of letting go? I don't know, but I can't think about that. I just have to go with it.

Editor: A.B.

Boys Just Wanna Have Fun

      Maturity is something a lot of teenage boys don't have. Sometimes it seems even more childish to argue with them, so maybe we will just have to wait for them grow up, and then they will look back and understand how stupid they were. Before I came out, I was one of these immature boys, at least I tried to be. I was so desperate to fit in, I forgot who I was. Even now I still regret that my friendships with them ended. There's something about them. The things they do are so pointless and dangerous but they're still cool and fun. I just love how they seem to live their days to the fullest and never regret anything. They don't talk or worry about their futures in front of people, and people think that they don't care about where their lives are going. People assume that they are completely carefree, but I'm sure they worry about things and think about their futures.

      The thing is, these boys hurt people with jokes, words, and whispers. People call them jerks and dislike them. Sometimes the boys would cross the line, and people called them bullies. However, I couldn't help but wonder if the situations counted as bullying, because sometimes humans are over-sensitive and can't take a joke. I understand that a lot of people might disagree with me on this (including your editor), but maybe if we become stronger, bullies can't bully us and there will be no bullies. We can't change people, but what we can do is change ourselves into stronger and more mature beings.

      Sometimes, I blame myself for what happened between me and the guys. I admit, I got weak and depressed by some words and jokes, and they got in trouble because of me. Maybe if I had taken those words as jokes and laughed with them, our friendship could have been saved. The truth is, they still tried to hang out with me even after I came out. I just felt too uncomfortable and awkward, so I denied. I have feelings for the guys, some of them are really attractive, and I don't think I can hide myself anymore. Yet, I don't think I'm strong enough to let them see the real me yet.

      All I can do now is accept the past, and let it go. Friends come and go, but whoever's meant to be with you forever will stay.The bottom line is: I miss the guys, and even if I'm gay, I still have that little guy-ness in me that my girl friends will never understand.

Editor: A.B.

Time Wasted

          Life is like a game of monopoly: everyone's just rolling their dice and hoping for the best to get to their destination. I'm one of the few players who has already planned where my destination is going to be. In this game, there are three main types of players. There are ones who are moving towards their destination every day and who work hard to get to their dream place. There's also the ones who have already reached their destination and are getting ready to join a whole new stage of the game. And then there's me, the people who are just moving around that may or may not have a specific goal and are trying to figure out where their destinations are going to be. My destination has been set since I was about five, now I'm not so sure where I'm moving towards... We are still moving, as long as the earth is spinning and we are living our days, we are still in the game. But it's hard to say whether we are moving towards our destination or just moving.

          I have had my dream figured out for a long time and I know where my destination is, but I'm still working on how I am going to get there. These past few months I haven't been drawing and designing that much and I have barely touch my sewing machine. I know that if I want to become who I want to be, I have to work hard and not be lazy. But these days I just feel so lost, I don't know where I'm going anymore. It's almost like you're losing yourself.

          It's not entirely about laziness though. I think I'm scared, scared of going down the wrong path. The path and destination I have chosen are risky. I can fail and lose everything I've worked for in only a minute. I'm afraid to admit it but I might be having second thoughts on this dream. Some people might say that if I'm truly meant for this path, I will find the track eventually. But what if I don't? I don't think I have any other talents and I don't want to risk my entire future. I may just be over thinking this, but making back-up plans shows that I don't have enough confidence about this. I'm not ready to go on this journey,

          Even if I'm not right for this path and there's a big chance of failing, I don't think I have any choices other than sticking with this path until another path opens. I will overcome my laziness and try to earn back the time I have wasted, but the fear will always be inside me. Because the truth is, being lost is part of success and while I'm trying to get myself back on track, I might discover something new, something different.

Editor : M.B.C.