People always say that high school crushes are stupid because they won't last. Sadly, it's true. I think we all know that it's not gonna last, that it's gonna hurt so badly you think you might not get through it, but we still want that love. It's a love we know will end someday and become a bittersweet memory. For me, that love might not even happen, and I think I'm slowly accepting it. As one of the few open gay guys at my school, there really aren't a lot of opportunities. I know for a fact that I'm not a very beautiful person either, so it's not that difficult to know why I haven't found that person yet. However, this is okay; what's meant to be will come eventually.
I have a love-hate relationship with crushes. They are the feeling of melting
when you watch them smiling from a distance, but never having the guts to talk
to them. They are the feeling of wanting to look your best in school every day for them,
and the feeling of wanting them to notice you more. Crushes are the feeling of yearning; to be in their thoughts, if only for a second. Yet, it's impossible, from what I
know. My crushes are all as straight as a ruler and they all know that I'm as gay as a
pink cupcake with sparkly whipped cream on top. There isn't even only one crush, but three. The thing is, I never forget. Every time I see my crushes either in person or remembering them through memory, it's like falling for them all over again. It's very difficult to never forget, to always cling onto the past. I just hope that I won't do
anything stupid when I'm in a relationship.
My three present crushes are J, K and M. I have been trying
to get over them for weeks, but it seems like my feelings just keep growing every
time I see them. J is the sweet one, funny and charming, and so cute that you
just want to hug him. Yes, he can get really stressed out from school, and sometimes
he isn't that responsible for school work, but he really tries, and this always makes me smile.
K is different, I don't have any classes with him, and I have never spoken to him, but there's something about him that's different. Something that leaves my heart racing. I always thought that he was quiet and shy, but from what I've heard he's
actually really funny and dramatic. Which makes him all the more interesting.
M is dangerous. He's the bad boy who skips some classes and smokes. What's even more dangerous is that he's the hot boyfriend of one of my best
friends. Of course I told my friend everything and she's fine with it, but
it's hard to see them make out every day. I know I can never do something about
my crushes, keeping my feelings inside is killing me slowly, but if I tell them
about my feelings, that will cause even more pain.
Maybe crossing the safety
line will give me a sense of relief, but it's going to be risky and I might lose something, maybe something important.
Editor : A.B.
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