What It Takes To Become a Parent

      What does it takes to be a parent ? Well, other than babies, financial support, and all those other physical things. What else ? As November ends and people start to put on their Christmas lights, I thought of a parent's relationship with their child. I know there's a lot of things you need physically and financially to be a parent, but what about emotionally ? I couldn't help but wonder about a friend in school, he came out to his family two years ago and they still aren't okay with it. What will his Christmas be like ?

      When I asked a grown man with a four year old son, "What would you do if your son is gay ?" He told me that when people become parents, they all have this expectation of what their child will be like, and if his son turns out to be something different, he hopes that he will be mature enough to deal with it as a parent. I think that's true, and maybe parents do actually take the time to imagine what their child will be like. Expectations can be expected, but how they deal with their disappointment from their expectations show what kind of parent they are.

      Love. It's all about love when you have a child. Well at least it should be love. People say that a parent's love for a child is the strongest love, but is that always true ? Then why can some parents not accept their children's sexual orientation, and others can ? Is that still out of love !? I respect everyone's opinions and beliefs on sexuality, but it's just so heart-breaking to believe that love can become so hurtful and hateful. I know it's hard, but when you become a parent, think about what kind of parent you will become. I can't say that if you can't accept your child, it isn't love, but I think I can say that you should try to have a greater and more open-minded love. 

      So, as we say goodbyes to November and start to sing those Christmas carols, think about the values and the meaning behind Christmas. It's about love, family, happiness, and being grateful of all those people and things around us.

Editor: A.B.

The Perfect Score

      I haven't been writing and posting as much simply because of school... It's always more stressful after the mid-term because it's closer to final exams. The workload and assignments did got more difficult, but that's not why I'm stressed out. I'm stressing out because after seeing my marks for my arts courses, I wasn't happy. Look, my marks weren't bad, it's just not good enough in my eyes. My Visual Art is okay. It's my Drama's mark that shocked me. 

      Even though drama is my minor, I still expected myself to do good. I'm a grade 10 in a grade 9 drama class because I got into the enriched program just this year and they didn't want me to skip the basics of drama. A lot of people think that because of my dramatic personality and how I'm funny, I'd be good at acting. So, I got my hopes up a little bit... It's not like I'm failing or anything, but I just really don't think I'm a bad actor. Yes, I do have stage fright sometimes and I fall back into the minor characters if there's a stronger actor in my group. That doesn't mean I suck right !? I'm a little behind in visual art because I keep redoing my assignments half way through to make it better. I'm just so scared that it won't be good enough. I kept having these ambitious, crazy, and difficult ideas for my projects and I don't even know if I can do them.

      I have always been a perfectionist in areas that I care about. I was unhappy because I thought that perfection is decided by others. I got happier because I believed that I am the only one who can say if I'm perfect or not. I think that before I go on stage to do my drama solo performance tomorrow, I should not care about the marks. I believe that we performers shouldn't let the scores or marks, but the joy and the love we have for the stage, define us. 

      

Editor: A.B.

A Fantasy

      Today in school, I was chatting with one of my best friends "A" and our another good friend "B". Somehow my crush became our topic for chitchat, and they were talking about how I should really just try to have feelings for a gay guy, because all my crushes up until now has been straight guys. My friend A said that it's because that my type is too narrow and I shouldn't be narrowing what I'm attracted to, but B suggested that the reason why I only like straight guys is because I'm scared of rejections. I was surprised to hear that because no one had ever said that to me and I had never thought of it that way. I think she's right though, I mean, who likes rejections ? Isn't it kinda sad that the more straight guys I like, the more rejection I will get ? So I'm basically  making myself get more rejections just to not face those real rejections...

      Just a few days ago, I was again chatting with my friend A, and I was telling her how I'm a little jealous of her being such good friends with my crush. I told her how I could never talk to him like that. Something she said really caught my attention. She said, "I'm sorry, I just don't understand. I would understand if you actually talk to him and be his friend, and see what he really is like. Like, you don't know him at all. Every time you see him or hear about him, you're just adding to your fantasy." Even though I love her and she isn't trying to be mean, it hurts to just think that she might be right.

      Is she right after all though ? Is there no such thing as love at first sight ? It sickens me to think that this can be all fake. Can all feelings be defined just like that ? It really just upsets me how shallow I will seem if this is true. I told my friend that I do know him, and I like the way he sings and acts, but the truth is, him and I don't even talk, and there's a whole bunch of other guys who sing and act. Now I'm just afraid. I'm afraid to really look at him and find that there isn't any feeling. I'm afraid to see how stupid I am to fall for the idea of him. I'm afraid to see that I can be this shallow. I'm afraid to wake up from this fantasy...

Editor: A.B.

      

Our Useless Pride

      Pride can be something that lets you be proud of what you believe in and help you become the person you want to be, but pride can be also a deadly weapon you can use to create a lot of pain. Tonight, I used it as my weapon and I won, and probably caused a lot of pain. The scary thing is, I was proud of it.

      I just had a fight with my brother and I thought I had won. Let's start from the beginning. I was grumpy and tired and I was trying to tell my mom something, but my brother interrupted me so I rolled my eyes. I was so bitchy and sassy, so he got mad and went out to shovel the snow on our drive-way. I sat down and stared at my laptop's screen for a while. I soon felt like I should help him shovel. ( By the way, I almost never shovel ). I went outside to help but he was all angry and yelled at me because apparently I'm not doing it "the right way". I argued that I just wanted to help, and finally he gave up and left. Before he left, he had to say some nasty stuff and of course I fought back with my bitch mouth, and maybe I went too far. 

      I was all alone on my drive-way wearing a coat, a tank top underneath, a pair of leggings, and my stylish cowboy boots. I started to shovel. I was so mad at him. I swore to myself that I will shovel until this drive-way is the cleanest drive-way on my street. I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to let everyone know that I can do what everyone else does without a scarf, hat, gloves, or anything else. Well of course it was cold, it was -6 degrees with a wind chill of -16 degrees, but how bad would I look if I said, "I'm gonna shovel better than you, but let me go in and change first." So I started shoveling, I did change my boots though because my cowboy boots were dying. I put on that ugly working plastic boots in my garage, and that was my commitment to shoveling. I was worried that he was right after a while. What if I wasn't doing it right !? After all he did shovel everyday last winter. So I started shoveling the road and everywhere near my house to make sure that he couldn't say anything. Call me crazy but I was so sick and tired of being this stupid useless boy who wasn't strong enough to help, or just another spoiled child who can't do anything. My brother calls me things like that all the time. I know I'm better than that.

      I thought I won the game, the fight and I thought I proved him wrong. Maybe I did, but there was no one else other than me that's in this "game". After all, it wasn't what others said about me that made me feel useless, it was my own stupid pride that fooled me into thinking I had it all, but it just made me do useless things, say useless words, and go into useless fights.

     I love my family, I know I do, especially my brother. It's just that each of us are so different, we can never agree on anything. When we try to communicate, we get offended before we actually listen to each other. It's a great love, but sometimes with great pain. So next time, before we put on our pride crowns, let's think first, and be smart. 

Editor: A.B.

Threesomes

      Threesomes is usually something you're against or something you don't care about, but as I was reading about threesomes in the book Sex And The City, I couldn't help but wonder, are threesomes just pure lust ?

      When you have sex with more than one person, is it not making love anymore ? Is it just plain sex ? If it's someone you really care for, someone you love, can you stand seeing them have the intimate moments with someone other than yourself ? Some people say they must be people you don't care about, and some say that they should be at least your friends, someone you trust. My real question is, why do threesomes happen !?

      If it's just lust, then does it happen when someone can not receive pleasure from their relationship ? If it's love, is it because that person has feelings for more than one person ? I can't imagine sex that is just lust without feelings. What's scarier than that is sharing love and sex with more than one person. Can love be shared and for more than that "one and only" we always think about ? People who believe in soul mates must be really against threesomes then. I wonder if one is enough in a relationship. What about those open relationships ? I'm sorry if I'm leaving you with all these questions. These are just the things I wonder about.

      I want you all to finish this piece by answering this question to yourself. Is one person enough for you ?

Editor: A.B.

Waiting For Life

                         

      Today was one of those nasty Mondays that just takes so much effort to get out of bed. I thought to myself, "school is boring and so is life". Even though I know it's not true, I believed it for just a few hours. It's one of those days that I want to sleep forever. Nothing was really making me happy or satisfied, and I'm sure a lot of people feel the same on some days. 

      One of my friends always tell me that she wants something big or interesting happen in her life. I would always say to her, "then do something and interesting !" It isn't wrong to say that if you want to have a great life, go be great and make your life interesting. It is our life, and we can either make it the best life ever, or we can do nothing and just wait for something to happen. 

      What my friend said isn't wrong, because I feel like everyone is waiting. Everyone is waiting for something in life. There's those children waiting for Christmas, those people waiting for their first kiss, those couples waiting for their babies to be born, and those people waiting for their dreams to come true. I am also waiting for something big to happen. We all want that big twist in our lives that makes everything wonderful and turns our life into a fairy tale. What reminds us that life is not a fairy tale is that while we wait, we also have to work hard towards it. Without effort, some things will just never happen.

      So keep your patience and go on waiting. Dream your heart out and just wait, but never wait too long. Stay clear on what's realistic and what's fairy tales. 

Editor: A.B.

My Lovers

      Two questions: "can men wear heels ?" And "will I ever wear heels ?" Well I think we should start by looking at the history of high heels. 

      Heels on shoes started in Europe. It was originally for horseback riding boots. Soon the rich and the royal males started adding heels to their shoes. They thought that it was more manly and also because they were royal and in the upper class, they liked being taller and more powerful. So heels were started in men's fashion. This trend became so popular, people in the middle classes started wearing heels too. Then women started to follow men's fashion. Women started to have shorter hair, and wore heels too. Then heels fell out of style. After a while, it came back into fashion but this time, it's in women's fashion. The heels got skinnier and skinnier, and higher too. People thought that it made women looked sexier and more attractive so it stayed in fashion. 

      So see, after that little history lesson you now know that heels were originally worn by males, and, yes, I do love high heels. I actually don't know why I love them so much. Probably because it's very empowering and confidence-boosting to have great shoes. Also it's fashionable. Of course, we should not only be confident when we have heels on. I'm glad to see girls becoming more confident in flats, because wearing heels too much can be dangerous to your bone structure and cause pain, but I will still love them forever. They are the best in my opinion. I will seriously love my shoes more than my men. If they ever say something about throwing away my babies, I will probably throw him out the window. I don't want men to spend huge amounts of money on a diamond ring. All they have to do is get me a big closet and fill it with heels for me.

      I will and want to wear heels. It does not make me a transgender, drag queen, or a cross dresser if I wear heels. Heels were first wore by men and I believe that fashion is beyond gender. A lot of people question if I'm becoming a girl when I wore lip gloss so I can't even imagine their reaction if I wear heels. My plan is to wear heels to my senior prom. It will be fabulous. I can totally rock and work high heels. 

      So okay, my advice is, if men aren't treating you right, ditch the men and get shoes, because not only do great shoes get you to great places, they are the best lovers you can ever have. 

Editor: A.B.

Love (Poem)

What I desire in life, is love.

And it's time to be clear with this love.

This love that I seek for every second of my life.

What I desire in life, is love.

A kind of love that's perfect,

May not be perfect for others, but for me.

What I desire in life, is love.

A love that's so big, 

it can fill the emptiness of my heart.

What I desire in life, is love.

A love that keeps me on my toes,

never knowing what's coming next.

Full of excitement and surprise everyday.

What I desire in life, is love.

A love that's so real, yet so unreal.

It has the power to bring me into another world,

another world full of fantasies and happiness.

What I desire in life, is love.

A love that's important,

losing each other can seem like death.

And it's heard to breath without each other.

What I desire in life, is love.

A love that completes who I am,

that not only makes me comfortable in my own skin,

but also gives me freedom.

What I desire in life, is love.

A love that's so strong,

it kills me everyday yet gives me the strength to live.

That's the love I desire,

and no one seems to be able to promise it exists.

Still I believe,

that this is love.

                                                                                              

                                                                                                      Leon Tsai

Editor: A.B.

Comfortability & Confidence

      I couldn't help but wonder this morning, is there a difference between being comfortable in your own skin and being confident of your body ? I asked around for a little research and what I got is all similar. Most people think that they are related but confidence is a level above being comfortable, and I agree with these people, but I don't wanna focus on the confidence part, because it's overdone and people are still not confident of themselves. I wanna look into the being comfortable part. 

      What does it even mean to be comfortable in your own skin ? Well, I define it as "feeling free and happy in your body, and being able to do and say things without doubting yourself or being afraid of what others may think". I think it's very important to be comfortable with yourself. I'm not asking everyone to be confident, but at least be comfortable. 

      Today, one of my friends told me that she thinks I'm confident. Am I ? I mean, I really do try to be confident when I wear sunglasses in the hallways, call myself queen, and wear my platform converse. I actually think that I should win an Oscar award for my acting everyday. I pretend to be confident because I was bullied, and I was the one crying and hating on myself. I tell myself that I can not be the loser anymore. I want people to think that no matter what they say, I will not be affected by them. It can be quite scary to put on a mask everyday, and it can also be great because after awhile, you start to believe that your acting is real. I know that I'm not confident at all the second I strip away my clothes and my make-up. Those are the moments in life when you really see yourself. Without the fashionable clothes and the sparkly lip gloss, all you have is what you're born with. In those moments, you know if you're comfortable with your body or not. To be honest with you all, it scares me to look at myself and see all the flaws and imperfections. It makes us understand that no matter how hard we try, we will always be the loser, because after all this time, we have been fighting the wrong enemy. The only enemy we have to really face is ourselves.

      I just want you all to ask yourselves, are you comfortable in your own body ? If not, then I want you to understand something. Beauty is a standard that people create to make themselves feel better, but doing that, they bring other people down. So make your own standard. The sizes on your clothes and your shoes are just numbers, they may measure your body, but they can never measure the love and care you receive from others. If you were even gonna change something about yourself, do it for you, not for others. It's okay to take time to learn how to love yourself. It is completely fine. Just look at me typing this piece up and still trying to be comfortable in my own skin. 

Editor: A.B.

The Arts Industry - The Costs

      From my last piece, I mentioned how tough it is to make it in the Arts' industry because there is so much competition. Before even the competition, we need to think of how we are going to get into that competition and the costs of doing so.

      This is not only for the arts careers, but for all careers that are tough and that force you to give up a lot of things along the way to success. I'm going to focus on the arts area because that's what I want. People tell me that the arts path is like a fire that burns money, and this can be the truth. A lot of the art colleges that have great programs of design, visual art, music, dance...etc are getting more expensive every year. Not everyone is as talented as Gabrielle Chanel who grew up an orphan and taught herself fashion design, and not a lot of people can get scholarships... So I guess either we need to be rich, have like three jobs, or have student debt.

      Even before that, just buying art brushes, ballet shoes, strings for your instrument can cost a lot of money. I really don't want to keep bringing up money because it kills the dream. I love to be in dreamy, romantic fantasies where people just get what they need and are happy, but the truth is that if we don't work hard we will become failures. We also need to see the ugly dark side of the society we're in with the scandals of money, drugs...etc. No one is perfect and the same goes for the world we live in. That's why it's important for us to work hard on fixing this society.

      Well, everyone has to pay the cost of success, and that's work. The cost of friendships are time, effort, and care. The cost of family is love. The cost of love is acceptance. See ! I just made pricing and money sound cute. Seriously, remember the costs of your future and your life, and own them and pay them. 

      Also, thank you guys so much if you still read my blog !!! I want to share my ask.fm account, so if you guys have any questions on my blog pieces or if you have any topic ideas, just leave a comment on my ask.fm wall !!! It's @LeonTsai  and anything is welcome <3 xoxo 

The Arts Industry - The Chances

      What is Art ? What do you think of when you see the word Art ? A lot of people say things like expressing yourself, creativity, diversity, differences...etc. My views on art were like those too when I first started my grade nine high school year in the arts program. This year, as I looked deeper into the art I'm learning and the environment of artists, I have found that it's very different. 

      Maybe it's because I switched to a more enriched program, or maybe it's just because we are a year older, but as I looked into the art, I seem to be losing myself. Yes of course Art can be those beautiful things we talked about, but the Art industry can be nasty. I have always wanted to be a fashion designer in NYC, with fabulous night clubs, luxury fabrics, shoes, fancy events, and people. Then I asked myself, after slapping myself out of the Sex & The City fantasies, is this industry what I really want ? The thought of evening competing and fighting for that one dream job with millions of other talented people kills me. They are literally measuring talents and comparing them. I don't have to imagine that feeling, I can feel that in the arts' program. Don't get me wrong, the arts' program is truly amazing, and it gives us a very professional and creative way to improve our area of skills, but it's gathering together a lot people who have the same dream. I can work on this assignment for two weeks, try my best, restart two times, and still see that girl who only needs one week and gets a better result than me. Yes, talents can improve and grow, but those people who are already ahead of the game make me nervous. I don't know if I can live like this. Even if I get to have my own brand, it still will be a competition with other brands. This industry looks for the best and wants only the best.

      Maybe this kind of pressure pushes us to become better artists and people, but I feel like we are just waiting for ourselves to snap from the pressure. The one that survives is the one that's successful and can really make their dreams come true. Maybe I'm just a weakling who still needs time to manage the pressure and the concepts. This is what I need to accept if I want to make it big in this industry. Sometimes I'm jealous of those who have a cute small dream. You know those who want to own a bakery or just become a local retail shop owner. Very cute, realistic, and fabulous, but not something I would want. I know that if I want things, I have to suck it up. The Art industry I'm talking about is the industry where people become stars, singers and actors on Broadway, great fashion designers, professional dancers or super models.

      As unrealistic as those careers sound, that's what I want, and knowing the ugly sides of this industry makes me anxious. It's both beautiful and ugly, like our society. What are the chances of us even getting to where we want ? The chance percentage is probably smaller than the chance of me receiving a Chanel classic 2.55 flap purse as a gift. Maybe that's not true. Do you even guys how expensive Chanel is !? Anyway, if we want our big dreams, we have to work hard. 

Editor: A.B.