A Cry for Help

      Have you ever tried to hide your emotions ? No matter how hurt and sad you feel, you felt like you have to pretend you're stronger and better than the other person. I had been through a time where I tried to be perfect. I hid all my flaws and weaknesses, but now someone I know and love is going through something like that. He doesn't show his feelings or open himself up to people, and when we try to help him, he become this mean, cold-heart person that we all know he isn't at all. I tried to look pass the fact that he's being mean and try to help, but does it always work ?

      I'm scared because I felt like being nice and accepting his actions would just make him worse. So now I have to deal with it my way. I'm ignoring his mean acts and words, but still not accepting them. I will defend myself and let him know that it is not okay. Yet I will not use any offensive words and acts, because I do not want any conflicts. I don't want him to affect me. I want to be happy. I have to.

      Still, I try to keep his feelings inside in mind. I want him to know that I love him and that's why I can't let him hurt himself like this any longer, because when he's hurting himself, he's also hurting me and all those people who love him. The worst way to torture your love ones, is by hurting yourself. I try to understand him every day and night. I couldn't help but wonder, what causes someone to be like this ? It's fear, insecurities, self-hate, and hopeless. He had shut himself up so tight, he doesn't even know how to open up anymore. He doesn't know how to accept help, and even though it is kinda my responsibility to help, I just don't know how anymore. Maybe he feels like whenever he wins a fight with me, it's a victory, but is it worth it to let someone you love so much down just so you can enjoy that five seconds of victory ? The victory that says absolutely nothing about yourself because what you used to win isn't who you really are. I can not possibly believe in any way that he can ever say that and mean it. I believe that his mean actions and behaviours are just his cry for help. 

      I will keep trying to make everything better, yet still allow myself to be happy in school. I know what I want and who I want to be, and I can't afford for anything to drag me down. Maybe these challenges at home will help me to become an even more stronger and accepting person. We never know what can happen next, all we can do is to stay positive. 

Editor: A.B.