Sorry I haven't posted for about ten days... The last few weeks have just been tiring and stressful for me. Firstly, we had to choose our courses for next year, which is grade eleven for me, and it's pretty important because it links with the courses I want to take in grade twelve and I just need them to be perfect and useful for my future. Then I was informed that even though I am in the enriched arts' program, I may only get the practical arts' program certificate because I auditioned for the practical program when I came in and changed to enriched a year later. This is okay because I want to apply for the Special High Skills Major program at my school next year, but then it will require me to take a co-op, and I can't because a student can only take up to 34 credits and I am not sacrificing the courses I'm planning to take in grade eleven and twelve. So, I may have to quit Spanish, which is fine because I'm also learning French and it's getting me all confused and stressed out. Then, I got into a play at school which is good, but the rehearsals got me even more busy.
I'm just tired. I know I'm not the only student who tries, and I'm definitely not the busiest one, but I'm tired. I really am. I am trying my best to keep my social, academic, and arts lives in line. I don't even know how to stop my brain from working... There are endless things to worry about. For my social life, I have to worry about finding time to be with friends, and I care so much of what people think of me. I try not to repeat outfits too often, and I'm always afraid of people not liking me. If one person in my class gives me a weird look or says something questionable, my whole day will be ruined because I will not be able to stop thinking about it. I will want to apologize even if I don't know what I did wrong. I will want to make it up to that person and make that person not hate me, even if their opinion of me will not affect my life and my future. For my academic stuff, yes I am in Applied classes, but I still try, and I'm happy because I'm getting good grades.
For my arts life, it's tough. I love the arts and being in the arts program, but it's a lot of pressure. It's seems to always be about talent and effort, and still having someone else better than you, and I feel that I'm getting less and less confident, and yet more and more confident at the same time. I know I'm good, because that's why I'm in this program, but this program brings so many talented kids with the similar dream together. It's great because you can learn from each other and get more focused, but at the same time, you begin to see that there is almost no chance for you to make it in the world with your unrealistic dream. It's sad, but that's the truth. If you are able to use this as a force to push yourself even harder, you will be successful, but if not, then you deal with it and find something else to do and be successful there.
There is absolutely nothing we know about our future. It's funny because we have no idea what our futures are like, yet we are the ones who control and own our futures. It's very difficult for me not to worry about the unknown, but I have to, because I know that there is no time to waste in grade eleven and twelve. We really have to be focus and be clear with what we want and don't want. Although success is amazing and lovely, happiness is more important in my opinion.
Editor: A.B.
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