Alright. So I've really thinking about it, researching and learning about this topic. And I want to be completely honest. I am not taking time to choose who I want to be. I am trying to understand who I am and this is not a choice. I believe that we're born this way in our own very special way, so just because I may be confused, it doesn't mean I have choices. Because after all, don't we just want to be who we really are ?
I've always been weirdly feminine I would say. I remember when I was like 5, I used to tuck my little penis under and try on my mother's dresses when my parents were gone. I stopped as I learned what is "acceptable" and I used to pretend that I'm a mermaid princess everyday. I loved swimming as a child and I still do whenever I go swimming. I lived near a community pool back then and I swam everyday. I was obsessed with mermaids and I was convinced I am one. This didn't really concerned me until my best friend showed me a documentary about a transgender little girl loving mermaids and many research on how many transgender children loves the idea of mermaid. The idea of not having what's down there. I began to connect things in my head and it was just a little too much for me. Now, I know I've been bringing a lot of my secrets into public, but I just really want to be honest. I want to just tell myself that these are not embarrassing, in fact, a lot of other people probably have questions too.
I've met up with one of my best friends and talked about this and I found that I may even be a "Demi-girl" that she introduced. There's so many gender labels, it's not just boy or girl anymore. And that moment, I knew this is all too much for me and I will not and can not spend over months researching and questioning anymore. I now have my answer. My answer is... who the fuck cares !? I think that these labels and fancy names with complicated science definitions are making my head hurt and even more confused. I don't want this. Even being gender fluid where you can't be labeled or be tied to one label has a label, scientific name and wiki page ! And to be honest, I still have mix feelings about how there's more than just male and female.
It's not that I don't believe that one can be neither male or female. But I think we humans are just way too intelligent and egotistical. We think we know everything and we want to know everything. But I don't think that's always necessary. In my opinion, I believe that there will be more and more these gender labels because we humans will just not stop. The second someone discover themselves as something unique and new, we want to define it and label it to make sure it's accepted and understandable by the rest of society. But no. How about we just let people be who they are and let them define who they are ? How about we just be people ? People is a label that brings us all together and not separate us dividing us into groups. I will no longer worry about what my label is or what I am, because if I just keep living and doing the things I love and love the people I want to love, aren't I being myself enough ? We don't need this. All we need to learn is to accept that we are all the same yet different, and that's what makes this world beautiful.
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