He or She Part 1 - Questioning

          I think I have to clear something up here. I am a man and I'm quite comfortable with my body parts as a male. I love fashion, and I do believe that fashion should not have limits. But. But you see, I've been struggling to figure who I am as a person. Not my sexuality though, I know I like men and I'm through with that. But my gender identity. I am one of the most feminine boys I know and I do love drag. Is it possible that I will feel more comfortable as a female if I'm already comfortable with being a male !?

          I have been quite open minded about gender identity lately. I usually don't mind if people call me a "she" or see me as a female, because I do understand that I wear heels and act femininely like calling myself a queen. After all, it's just a word, a label. But I do have to admit that gender plays a very important part of who we are and I just want to know who I am. I thought I'm done with just coming out as gay and now this ? It really takes a life time to learn how to live doesn't it ?

          Anyway, I think I can go by both for now, so never feel like you may call me by a wrong gender. I love both genders and all I know right now is that I don't want to have sex with one of them. And I am still scared. Transgenders and queers are still not very accepted in our society and I really don't want more conflicts with my family. I think it really takes strength to know who you are and courage to be who you are. I could be just another gay in drag in the future, who knows ? But I think one of the most difficult times out there is when you're still questioning and even you don't know who you are as a person yet in this world. When we look into our reflections, we should recognize who that person is in front of us and we should feel comfortable and happy. But I'm just here simply don't know. I was scared to tell anyone this for a while because I don't want it to be like a false alarm, but I think I need to show people that it is okay to question yourself and want to explore who you really are. I don't care about the pronouns, gender expectations, which bathroom I uses...etc, I just want to be who I am inside completely and not question my existence.

          I will try more things with my appearances to really explore and see what makes me happy when I look at myself. But I just really think that I need to make this clear since I know a lot of people at school seriously thinks I want to be a female now which is fine, but it's still a maybe. Plus, wouldn't I be a pretty girl !?