So many of you who've read my recent Blog pieces or those of you who have spoken with me recently, will know that I am now Gender-Fluid and can go by either or both Male and Female. I think that at least for now, this is the only way I can be free. I've always questioned if I was transgender and if I wanted to become a female or not, but I also know that I will not and can not do anything about it even if I am this. So why not just be both? I'm tired of being restricted by endless gender stereotypes, roles, expectations, and fashion limits...etc. I think it's time for us humans beings to just treat each other as human beings. Freedom is a luxury that many enjoy, and sometimes Freedom can be selfish, but no matter how selfish I can seem, I will not allow myself to be limited by society's standards. I have to be free.
I'm happy with the reactions and responses I've received from people over this. But honestly, most people already saw it coming. I mean, I kinda did have a long smooth transition. First the make-up, then the heels, and by the time I wore a skirt to school, people stopped caring. After all, they are just labels. I'd much rather fill my life with labels like Chanel, Dior...etc, then with gender labels that come with expectations and limitations. I do believe that fashion should be just an expression of self, and should go beyond gender, race, and sexuality oriented labels. So it's not about what I'm wearing and what you see and think, it's about me embracing both my masculinity and femininity, and living as a complex human being.
I think it's completely fine if you don't agree or understand. Yes, I am a man by legal terms with my penis, but we're talking about feelings, not law and science. I want to open myself to all the possibilities as a human being and re-claim my body. I want to no longer be told on how to act or dress based on my gender. And no, I will not use a Gender neutral bathroom either. I think there's one in my school that no one knows about, it's like in the office or something. I am not going all the way to the office to pee and make a scene about it. Now, I kinda just use both gender washrooms in my school depending how I feel and what I am wearing that day. (I don't really know if that's okay or not according to the school rules) The thing is that, I really don't give a shit. Washrooms are never comfortable for me and I'm just there to get the job done and fix my hair. I don't care about others' judgments and views of me personally, but I do care for others' feelings. So I'm just worried that others may feel uncomfortable with me being in either or both of the washrooms. I'll never get offended or anything as long as you speak to me politely and respectfully. Because if you don't feel comfortable, I can just go to the other washroom or pee later, I really don't care. It's a big issue for other Transgender kids, but I'm weirdly more chill in this situation.
Pronouns and washrooms are not my problem, my only problem is hoping that others aren't feeling uncomfortable because of me. And don't ever think I'm using this to my advantage, I mean sure, maybe now I can room with my girlfriends on a school overnight trip, and maybe less is expected of me now in terms of societal standards, but I honestly just want to be happy and free. Believe it or not, this freedom caused me to give up something many would find important. I feel like as a Gender-fluid person, I'm giving up part of myself and my identity. I meant that I'm actually giving you the choice and power to see me however you like, male and/or female. If you're a man and you're attracted to me, will you be gay or straight? Or maybe even Pan-sexual? See how confusing labels can be? Just love me already, I'm too desperate to wait for my Prince Charming to question his own sexuality. I think labels are good to a point with helping us understand ourselves, but sometimes instead of grouping people together, we should all just be one thing: human beings. We are all unique and different, we are not going to find a label that fits us perfectly. So, I may not even be Gender-fluid based on your definition of that label. But I honestly don't give a fuck.
Well, even though now I'm free from many standards and expectations. I seem to have one more label added on my belt. Or we can just all ignore all these labels and just remember that we're all human beings loving other human beings?
Editor: K.L.S
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