So with Thanksgiving and Canada's National Coming-Out day being in the same weekend, me and my mother has gotten into a fight. My dad just arrived in Canada a few days ago to fix some problems in our family as my brother has been having some issues. Everything seemed fine for like two days and everyone just pretended like we're a happy perfect family, but I knew that the peace would be ruined sooner or later. I knew that this piece of paper would not be able to cease the fire within, I just hoped that it wasn't me who ripped the paper and released the flames...
The fight between me and my mom was nothing really. But like all our fights in the family, it brings back the unsolved issues in the past. I finally snapped and brought up the real reason why my dad came to visit suddenly and I really don't want to have to deal with family issues right now in my life. I've been busy trying to hold everything in my life together that I would just want them to understand if I'm being a little bitchy. But no, my dad who came to "fix" problems, wanted me to tell him why I wasn't happy with the family. I talked and talked and told him about me being gay (which he already knew from me coming out to him at the beginning of the year), but he ignored it and still kept asking me about dating girls and completely acted like nothing had happened. He thought there was something wrong with my body and that it was a phase. So I made it clear to him that it's not and I do like men, and I don't need him to accept or understand it 100%, but at least not ignore it. We had a heart to heart conversation and he claims that he accepts me, but he who does not know the difference of Homosexuality and Transgender questioned if I would go too far of being gay and become a girl. I made sure that he understood that I am only gay and the end, but my mom who was still angry from the fight with me, brought up the fact that I did in fact questioned if I was transgender and that I didn't know what I am. Well, that fucked everything up.
Yes, I did questioned if I am Transgender, many of you who read my blog would know. I really do wonder if I want to be a girl or not. After all, I do already dress like a female. It's something I still struggle with and I for now, am just going with Gender-Fluid. Gender is a label, and I am already breaking the gender barrier of Fashion, why not break the social gender standard completely ? I love the world, the fashion, and everything and I would like to experience things without restrictions just because of a body part. So call me a "she", "he", "it"...etc, I don't care. I refuse to be defined by one gender and it's stereotypes, I refuse to be restricted because of what the society has the say. I will be me and be happy. But, my family can't take it, they don't understand and as if right now, I don't think they ever will. And I can't make them go through something like this, if I really want to be female, I will have wait until I'm a grown adult who can support myself. So that's why I never wanted to tell my father about this whole gender thing, I only wanted him to know that I like men, because that's all I can confirm right now at this stage of my life. But everything just went wrong on this Thanksgiving, I mean... Happy National Coming-Out day for me, but it got as ugly as I've ever seen in years...
I only wish that everyone else had a better Thanksgiving than me, and I'll share the rest of the story in Part 2. Life sucks sometimes, but we gotta stay strong together and never lose hope !
No comments:
Post a Comment