When it comes to people, I look at it as the fact that we're all stars in the sky. We are all stars shining, sometimes we burn out, and that's when others shine into our lives. Sometimes we accept some of the lights being shined into us, sometimes we don't. It seems a little unappreciative that we stars even select those lights being sent to us, selecting the love and care we are often offered. But the truth is, not every star loves the light and attention it's being given, and some are just not shining bright enough to share their lights with others. Some aren't even seen, and some are trying their best to be seen. I myself have been a bright star for the past few years now... and I wish I could start over.
I was never my own, I was a small shining star who was happy and balancing between the brightness and darkness within myself, but then I was darkened. I believed we all were, there will be a day when you start to look around and notice the other stars and caring more and more about the balance of your light, listening to the expectations and the "standard lighting rules" in our sky. I was about five when I started to notice to the dress codes for boys, the colours boys are allow to like, the actions and gestures boys are suppose to have, and the toys boys are allow to play with...etc. I was different, and I tried not to show my lights as they came in different shades and colours. I felt judged as the stars sparkled and blinked like eyes watching my every move. I stood out, and I was ashamed.
After years of denying my true colours, I slowly learned to accept myself again as I accepted the lights being shined into me by some of the most beautiful and caring stars I've met. I've became more confidence and loving as now I try to shine my lights as far and bright as possible to every star and every dark corner I could see. Yet this isn't the real me either. I've developed a character to be loved and shine, to be seen, and to prove that I'm no longer afraid. But I still am, now I'm more afraid of letting go of this flaming star I've put on, I'm afraid of being weak. It's tiring though, because not every star needs and wants your light, not every star can love your shine. Some stars will judge me, misunderstand me, and even hate me. But the saddest thing is, almost no stars can see or seem to understand the real me after all these years. I don't think I know how to turn the shine off anymore...
I want to start over, I want to first turn my shine inwards a little to light myself up, to warm myself up, and to discover who I really am inside. I want to really accept and love myself, then I can shine my lights onto others, knowing who I am and what I can offer. I no longer want to be insecure and shine my lights into the stars who don't need them, or offer the shades of lights that they don't appreciate. I want to be loving, caring, and burning like a beautiful star that I've always wanted to be. I want to be just me, and I want to realize that I don't have shine the brightest or be the most colourful to be loved or be noticed. I don't have to try so hard to be seen or to feel beautiful. I want to realize that I am enough.
I want to believe that I was born in this dark sky to shine, for no one else but me.
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