Seventeen. - Just Keep Swimming

          Birthdays can be great because of presents, but mostly it's about feeling appreciated. People are celebrating your existence. This is your day ! You were born, and people are happy about it. You feel loved, cared, and supported. And, it's also to record your years since birth, celebrating your growth and your time spent in this world, learning, feeling, and experiencing. (Of course, also a time to be grateful of your mother whom have brought you to life.)

          Wow, I'm Seventeen. Seventeen... I don't know how to feel.

          It may have nothing to do with turning seventeen, especially when my mental health has not been the greatest for the past month, but I'm really lost. It feels like underwater, the water is clear and I can see the sunlight shining down. Everything is clear around me, yet it feels like I'm still lost and grasping for air. I may be a mermaid, but I'm drowning... 

          I'm scared, because seventeen isn't really a big year, nor does it suppose to have a meaning. Yet, it'll be my last birthday spent in high school. My next birthday, will be spent alone in College. That's scary. I'm not ready, I'm really really scared. It just feels so stupid. Honestly, it's stupid. I've lived for seventeen years, and here I am. Insecure, scared, all emotional and stuff. I am in desperate need of some security. I just need peace. I want some stability within me, because all of this is very distracting. And it's getting in the way of my friendships, my focus in school, and just life in general. I need to slow down, I have to get all of this anxiety out of the way. I can't be like this.

          I need to breath. Just a breathe. Just a little.
          Seventeen, Seventeen, Seventeen.
          A mermaid drowning, how pathetic, how weak.
          Seventeen, Seventeen.
          I can't be saved, I just need to be strong.
          Seventeen.
          What is my purpose ?
          Seventeen.
          Who am I ?

          I know it's in there somewhere, it has to. I have to find that peace within me. I need to calm down, I need to not pushing myself. Relax, I don't have to stay on my toes everyday. I can let go just a little. I just need a break, I just need time. I just need to breathe.

          Just Keep Swimming.