Lately I have not been drawing or designing, I've tried but I just end up tearing it up and throwing it into the recycling bin. It's been more than a month since the last time I designed something and that wasn't even a whole collection, it was just a swimsuit. I think that the closer I am to the time of college, the more I want a perfect portfolio. I found myself wanting each page to be perfect and interesting enough to have a 'wow' reaction. This is horrible because I am not going to have anything if I won't allow myself to make mistakes. I just feel so pressured of having something beautiful and perfect because isn't that what this industry is about ?
It's like I've lost my passion. Now it seems like my dream is to make it in the industry and not make beautiful clothes. I've been so obsessed with being successful that I've lost that thrill and joy of drawing and making women more beautiful and confident. And I have to find a way of making myself feel that again. The old me who scream and smile whenever I walk into a show store, now I just ask myself questions about the cost, the fit, the design, what people might think and how I can wear that...etc. Being logical and realistic with my dreams and desires is great, but it's a little sad for me since I've lost that pure joy I used to feel.
Unlike designing, I still love and find it very interesting to write on my blog here. It's not difficult to write how I feel yet it can be very difficult to show that in art and design. So writing is my plan B. I would love to be a fashion editor for a magazine and I would still be in the fabulous world of Fashion. But as you all know, I make a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. It's not that I don't know them, it's just I'm lazy to edit and read over my writing before I post it...
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