Style and Originality

                       

      Some say we have style, we dress in our own kind of way and we have our own sense of fashion. But I wonder, do we ? What we see, hear and shop for, they are all put out there for us. The top I just bought, it might be my "style" because it represent my fashion statement and I like it. But there probably are a thousand other people in this province, and a million others in this country out there that have the same top, and will style it with the same coloured pants like me. And even if we create our own clothes, it's often inspired from or similar to other clothes we see in stores or in media.

      So we ask ourselves, do we just know styles or do we have the style. And if we have the style, what is it ? How do we get it ? And how is it different from others ? We don't know. I don't even know. I like to think that I am a very different and unique person, I think I see the world differently sometimes and I feel special. But lately I feel... not as special, I feel like I'm becoming someone's number 2. There's a guy in my high school who is very successful I would say, and he has just graduated. His art is amazing and I do wish someday I can be as good as him. He's gay ( from what I've heard ) and he wears like hipster glasses, he has his ears pierced and he's in a leadership club called cabinet. And I told my mom I want to get my ears pierced and I'm doing it this September, I need glasses soon and I might choose the hipster frames. And me and my friends are thinking of joining cabinet. And it's not like I'm trying to copy him and be like "oh he's gone this year and next year I would continue his legacy!" Like no that's creepy, we just might have similar styles and interests but it made me feel less myself. And a lot of people keep telling me that I was acting like my other transgender friend when I decided to wear a more girly outfit with a slight touch of lip gloss! 

      I do not know if this is one of those moments where I'm somehow the only one feeling this way-going through all these emotional roller coasters and being too "dramatic", but I do know that even though I am not copying them, I do have style. Despite this, I may have chosen some similar things to what they have subconsciously. I don't know why but sometimes I feel like people are so much better than me, and I just have to be like them to be great. 

      And it sucks because I want to stand for originality and being myself. 

This is so conflicting with that whole thing but we all lose ourselves sometimes and I just need time to find myself and my own style again I guess...

Editor: K.L.S