Love & I.

          Love exists, yet I'm losing faith...

          People say that the ultimate purpose of us human species, like other species, is to survive. Biologically, we are programmed to have hormones and sexual desires to make babies, and that romantic and erotic attraction is a scientific chemical reaction in our brain. But is that love ? Many argues not. You see, everything that you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel are often creations of your mind. The brains senses the world indirectly. And we, as intelligent beings, often creating illusions and subjective truths for ourselves to believe in.

          Love is... an illusion. I want to believe that, I really do. Yet it's just not in my nature. I'm too romantic, and too positive. I know for a fact that intelligence and logic won't make me a happier person, it makes me miserable. For the past few weeks, I've been feeling so emotionally drained. I am a person who's irrational, romantic, emotional, and just all over the place. I mean, that's not who I am as a whole, but it's a big part of whom I've become. And now with the logic, philosophy, intelligence, and political correctness that I've been learning and drowning myself in. I feel like I can't express my emotions, because why express them when it's not rational ? I feel so repressed, by this empowering knowledge, that I know it's not gonna make me happy. I'm not happy.

          If only there is a formula for happiness. Oh wait, there is. It's Love. I know, why don't I just push myself off a bridge right now. But it's true, self-love, and the love for this world makes us humans feel fulfilled and happy. Now does it make sense ? Actually it does, so why am I so caught up on this !? I have no idea, I think I'm just really really tired ! I'm tired of feeling like I'm on this roller coaster call "Life" and have all these emotions. Like I'm not bipolar or depressed, I'm just an emotional person, and it sucks sometimes. I feel weak, and powerless, that's why for my whole life, I crave and seek for the state of perfection. It's about control. And with intelligence, we can control situations. But lately I've discovered, sometimes things just need to happen the way they do. Maybe letting go is the true path to happiness. Well, it's gonna take time, lots of time, and work, for me to really let go. It's okay though, because life is work. Life is about learning how to live, and love. And maybe I need to rethink about this whole thing. Maybe self-love isn't self-knowledge, at least not the way I've been doing it.

          The relationship between me and Love seems like a life-long process, but I enjoy it. We all need to know the concept of love before trying to love. Because believe it or not, it's not always the amount of love given, it's about the way you love.