Be Brave, and Keep Going.
It was a good day with my aunt and friend, eating brunch at a beautiful cafe in the mall. After brunch, I ask if we can go shopping. We walked into Zara, and I was so shooked by the beautiful clothing before me. I picked out a few dresses and walked to the change room. It's a good day I thought, wearing a beautiful black top and a floral skirt, with my makeup and hair all cute, out with the girls, shopping. It's a good day, I thought...
"The Male Change Room is that way, Thank You !"
It felt unbelievable, that even with what I'm wearing, with my hair and my makeup and everything, that still I'm not passing. When will it ever be enough ? I backed away, walking towards the male change room, it felt like it's so far away, almost too far away. It felt like I'll never get there in time before the mall closes. It felt like I'm walking towards death, which I'll never be ready for.
I've been there, and I know I can't go back.
I can't possibly do this to myself, I won't allow it.
I put the stacks of dresses on a rack to my right, and walked out of the store. I can feel the tears in my eyes, but I won't allow myself to cry. It's not that I'm not strong enough for this, it's just that it's been awhile. It's been awhile since I've felt this way. This is my life, I reminded myself. This is the reality of my existence. I need to stay strong, and be brave. If I was back in Canada, I would fight, if I was with my friends, they would stand up for me. But not here, not here in Taiwan, in Asia. People won't stand up for me, people barely knows how to support me even if they want to. I hate how helpless I feel. How weak, how lonely. It has been awhile...
Taiwan isn't my home anymore, it's a battle field. It's impossible to expect my family to fight with me, because they're still trying their best to figure out how to support and understand me. Within this culture, it seems impossible for me to be an activist, I'm still trying to fight for myself.
Be Proud, and Stay Strong.
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