Why Am I Here ?

        For the past few days, I have been feeling a little disconnected with my friends, family, and sometimes even myself... I don't know if it's that little voice at the back of my head making up problems again and over-thinking them. But I just feel a little, tired I guess ? I feel so tired of doing things and I just want to be left alone in my room for a few days with my thoughts. I've been thinking way too much and I need time to reorganize my brain. Like I'm fine and there's nothing really that's making me unhappy, but there certainly aren't anything that's making me happy either.

        Sometimes I wish I could just not care about so many things. It's just so exhausting sometimes living. I know that sounds scary and trust me, I love my life and I will not do anything stupid. But it's exactly because of loving my life, that's what makes my life so tiring. I don't know if it makes sense, but I think that love is just such an exhausting emotion... And maybe because that it's so tiring, I'm still not able to love myself enough yet. At this point, I really wish I'm a heartless bitch who only love myself and live for myself.

        My brain doesn't seem to know when to shut up, and it just makes me think more and more every second. I even started asking questions about why I'm on this planet and what are my purposes of this life. Well, I don't think I've ever stop asking questions and over-thinking things, but I feel like I'm finally getting tired of this. The thing isn't that I do like how I think about things and find the solutions to stuff, but solutions just extend to more questions which will never end. It feels like I've been solving the same problems for years and I just don't know how to organize it anymore. I'm fine with myself over-thinking, over-planning, and all, but I have to be able to organize those thoughts in my brain. And I guess my book keeper killed himself or something, I don't know...

        I need answers, plannings, solutions ! But I guess that's the beauty of the future isn't it ? Life keeps us on our toes and the ones who can look at the big picture as well as the small details move on into the future smoothly. Or maybe I just want too much, my mother always call me greedy. I guess I'm greedy for answers, solutions and most importantly a promise. I just want to be able to promise myself that I will be fine tomorrow with whatever I do and say today. Is that so difficult to ask !? 

        I guess I might just need a little time to get myself together...