I think that it's very common and easy actually for us humans to have secrets. But I write about almost everything on my blog, as I want to be free and an open book for not only myself but also the world. It would be wrong for me to expect people to open up to me if I never share my stories and experiences. But there are still many things I find difficult to share on such a public area like the internet. Yet it's a pretty good step to say that I am human and I'm not ashamed of my mistakes. Because the truth is, if you don't let others have the power to judge you, their judgement is invalid.
My first confession would be... masturbation. Now, self-pleasuring is so common now that even if you promise me you've never tried it, I wouldn't believe it. But for the longest time, I felt ashamed about it. I am completely fine with talking about others' experiences, sometimes I even give others tips and explanations about the art of self-pleasure even for the female's version. Yet I shame myself for doing something I believe is natural and very common for a teenage male going through puberty. So there, I do it and it feels damn good.
My second little secret is something I've mentioned a little bit on my blog but never really went into it. I think this is very important as it's something I know a lot of people go through. I've self-harmed before when I was very depressed and that was also part of me questioning about my sexual orientation a few years ago. I've talked to a few of friends about it yet I try not to bring it up too much as it's just a touchy subject for many others. And to be honest, I still sometimes feel the emotions that I felt when I self-harmed. I still feel unworthy and not good enough some days and I've just gotten a lot more stronger with a lot more support from my friends over the years.
I never went too into it, because if you know me at all, I hate pain. I only did it like a couple times when I felt so unworthy that I think I deserved pain. It was a sad part of my life where I just hated myself. Now I hate myself, but I take good selfies and I feel sexy on some days. No but really, I've gotten more confident over the years by knowing who I am now. And I think that depression is very common, and no one should be shocked that someone is depressed. It's just about finding out who you are and who you want to be that will make you happy. Being happy is difficult and I would've never walked out of that dark cloud without my friends by my side. But you can only get so much support that is offered right ? It was a lot of self-therapy and effort to be able to not want to curl up in a ball and cry every night, but it really does get better.
I promise. Just stay strong.
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