Reclaiming Myself: A Mirror

I am a mirror.

          I am a mirror, as I aspire myself to reflect the image of perfection everyday. I reflect on the others around me and I only make myself see the traits of perfection in others that I wish to obtain. I am never good enough, perfect enough, or worthy enough. I feel like I'm here only for the world, as I change myself to meet other's liking to reach for their approval. How can I know who I really am, and what my real self is when I'm only a certain way for the people around me. If there's no one with me, I am nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm in my room, wondering who I am, searching endlessly for an answer that doesn't exist at all. I smile for the others to smile, I laugh for the others to laugh, I stand proudly to inspire others, and I cry to show sympathy for others. Who am I ? A mirror, that's it. Just a Mirror.

          But I need to live, and breakthrough. If I am really a man/woman trapped being the mirror, I need to reform and reconstruct myself. Rather than a mirror, I want to be more of a sponge. I want to be able to absorb the beauty and the positive traits of perfection I find in others and reform it as a real personality for myself. I want to no longer look at others and feel unworthy and not as beautiful or talented. I want to finally love and accept myself for the self that I am or anything that I wish to become.

          I wish to be a butterfly, that just because I'm not born out of beauty, I spread my wings even more and transform into the beauty I aspire to be. I wish to be a mermaid, that by not letting the society's standards limit me, I am free. I wish to just be a human being, that is flawed and still aspire to reach for the state of perfection, pushing my limits and allowing me to take risks. I wish to be living, that fills myself with energies and emotions, and like writing a novel, filling my days with colourful and exciting stories. 

          I want to be just me.

Reclaiming Myself: Fat

I am... Fat.

          Fat: "(of a person or an animal) having a large amount of excess flesh."

          Now that is actually one of the most hurtful yet simple word in English. Three simple letters, yet they come with a lot of meanings that are attached there by our society. First of all, "Fat" is not an emotion or a look, I don't think that we should be able to feel fat or look fat. It just doesn't make sense. I know many people that has many fat percentages in their body yet do not look like the stereotypical "fat image" we as a society have created. Feeling fat is just submitting ourselves to the societal standards of beauty.

          There is no real life version of an ideal body, just like how there is no absolute perfection. Beauty exists, but much like morality, it's subjective. We humans are born to construct our own realities, but after influenced by the media, we submit our constructions to the standards set by society.

          I'm really trying to learn to love my body, trying to reconstruct my standards and my reality to redefine what beauty means to me. I may be fat, but I don't have to feel fat. I want to feel fabulous. So I will be honest with you all, and to be honest I don't know why I tell all my secrets on my blog. I guess take it as a thank you for being interested enough to read on gift, and also because I want to love myself. I think we all need to be honest with ourselves first, before trying to love. My current weight is about 93kg which is 205 pounds. Me after my diet(which ended in September btw) was 91kg which is just a little over 200 pounds. To be honest, this isn't that hard as there are plenty more things in my life that are even more difficult to write about than my weight but It sounds scary when it's put into pounds, so I try my best to stay in the kilograms. I think we all need to remind ourselves that it's just a number, and that what's more important is our mental health, physical health, and who we are as human beings. Yes of course I understand being over weight is not the healthiest, but that's why I will try to excise more and eat healthier. I will when I have the time to slow down, and actually be healthy the right way.

          We don't have to be afraid of a number, or an image. I think we all need to know that we can be beautiful no matter what size we are. Beauty is more about what's on the inside. I know it's cheesy, but it's true. We just can't let society do this anymore, I find it disgusting that some even think that they should have a say in what's beautiful and what's not. We need to fight back, and reclaim our bodies. We own them, and we should love them. After all, we need to live with, look at, and sleep in them every day and every night.

          I must not be afraid. 

Editor K.L.S

Reclaiming Myself: Feminist

A Feminist, I am a Feminist.

          Feminist: "a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes."

          To this day, even with so much involvement in the Feminist movement and coverage with in our society, people are still refusing to call themselves Feminists. I've always considered myself a Feminist, but after studying in Women's Literature and looking deeper into history and the meaning of Feminism, I am here to reclaim this identity.

          I have this friend who didn't consider herself as a Feminist, she said she believed in equality yet she was afraid because of the backlash and the bad name our society has given to us Feminists. I say, if you don't call yourself a Feminist, don't say you believe in equality of the sexes, because it makes no sense to not support something when you believe in the meaning of it. We must no longer let media label Feminism as something angry and ugly. We need to reclaim this word, and show the world it's true definition, we need to be the change.

          I understand it's just a label, what really matters is people's support and state of mind, but when the name creates such a backlash and the generation of such misleading opinions, the label matters. We who know the true definition of Feminism have to be the change. It doesn't matter how small we are, it doesn't matter how little our voices seem. What matters is that we're speaking out, we're owning our voice, and we're claiming our power. I wear heels because I support Drag culture, anti-discrimination for the LGBTQ community, and believe that we should all be able to express who we are and identify ourselves freely. I wear heels to show support. I know I'm only one person, but sometimes it just takes one person to start a revolution. If we support something yet stay quiet, we're submitting ourselves to the backlash against Feminism and silently agreeing with the wrongful portrayal of it in with in the media. We must claim our power and stand up for what is right.

          We cannot be afraid.

Editor K.L.S

Reclaiming Myself: Faggot

          A Faggot, how do you feel when someone calls you a Faggot ?

          Faggot: "a male homosexual/a bundle of sticks or twigs used as fuel for a fire".

          It can be used as slang, as an insult, an offensive comment, a funny comment, a trigger word...etc. But it can also be just a word. Now I understand the shameful use of this word and how it can trigger negative feelings or memories for many people in the LGBTQ community, including me. Yet I think for me at least, I am ready to reclaim this word.

          If you call me a "Faggot", I would first chuckle, then kindly ask what do you mean by that exactly. If you meant by a homosexual male, I would love to respond with, "Yes, yes I am, now how may I help you?". And if you meant it by calling me a bundle of sticks, I would laugh because that makes no sense at all. See, not really an insult to me if the word means a homosexual male, since this is what I am as a human being. I think I have the right to take ownership and control over the word, and not accept the hate that comes with the definition of who I am. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the word or the definition itself, so I will not let this word, that I believe has a beautiful meaning, be destroyed and used by society.

          I am not ashamed of my sexuality and I will stand my ground to stay true to my identity. I will not give up my power nor will I submit to society's attack against people like me through claiming the definition of this word. I refuse to give in to hate, so they no longer have the power to use the definition of who I am to attack me. I will claim my rights, my freedom, and my identity. This is me not allowing haters to hate, and not giving into their traps and their methods of hurting the LGBTQ community. 

          I am not afraid.

Editor: K.L.S