Yesterday, I was shopping with my mom in Niagara Falls and I wanted a pair of boots. I've always wanted a pair of cute leather boots, and my mom promised me a year ago that she will buy me a pair if we see any nice ones. Sure there were nice men leather boots, but I'm quite picky. I wanted a pair with a certain look and length. So all the ones I wanted were women's boots. I decided that it's okay because boots are kinda unisex and that gender is just a label. Now it's even more challenging because women's feet sizes are different from men's and I can barely find any pair that fits perfectly. Finally, just when I was about to give up, my mom found a pair cowboy boots that is still fashionable. I didn't want to take it because I wanted more of a combat boot style, but I took it because my mom was getting tired. Even though these boots fit, it's very very tight and hard to put on, and once it's on, my toes hurts and there's barely any space. I'm still happy with it because it is very cute.
This morning, when I've decided to wear it to school, I couldn't fit my feet into the boots with socks on. I was getting late for school so I didn't have time to find any other socks. That's when I made a risky decision. I wore my boots without socks. Now feet can stink after a day in boots without socks so this is very hard and embarrassing for me to do, but I did it. Well you see, after first period of class, I went into the washroom and took off my boots to see if it stink, they didn't so I was happy. My feet smelled decent and the boots still smelled like new leather.
But - there's always a catch isn't there - I could not get my left foot into the left boot. I tried for fifteen minutes knowing that I'm late for class. I tried so hard my arm muscles still hurt even now. I sat on the ground and gave up. I wanted to just go out barefoot but I couldn't. I have pride and I love my boots. I got up and tried again for another 10 minutes and finally I got it in. I swear it was my biggest workout since birth.
After that, I sat in the stall for a minute and stared at my boots. Why ? I asked myself. Why do I do this to myself ? I could have just got a pair of men boots and still rocked them, and to be honest, no one really cares what I wear in school. I thought of how there's a thin line between being someone you want to be and being something you're not. It's very easy to cross the line and make a fool out of yourself. I know who I am, a homosexual boy who only will choose to wear heels for fashionable reasons and does not want to be labeled as a "drag queen". It's not that being a cross dresser or a drag queen is bad, I don't wear women's clothing just only sometimes women's shoe wear. I also believe that fashion goes beyond gender.
This is my first pair of women's shoes and I felt like I'm making a fool out of myself. My toes are hurting, my feet are getting blisters, and it's so tight that I can't walk straight. I have tried to make myself believe that it's worth it when I say that beauty hurts and all that crap, but do I know the difference of being something I want and being something I'm not ? After all that, I'm gonna wear my boots as much as I can to break it in and hope that this is all worth it.
Editor: A.B.
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