Boys. Boys. Boys.

          I have been just too sad with my Blog pieces lately, let's talk about something light ! Something I haven't wrote about in awhile, Boys. It's not that I'm too sad to think about Boys, but honestly I haven't had a crush ever since I think the beginning of summer really. I think that I've just accepted that high school boys aren't worth it and that I need to focus on more important stuff, like working on myself, spending time with my friends, and being an activist.

          Do I want love ? Of course, and if there comes a chance to be in a relationship right now, I would take it. And I don't mean to criticize teenage boys, but I've yet to find a lot of them that's mature enough to really see me as a woman and respect my community. Can I date an anti-feminist ? No. Not after what I've been fighting for and everything I go through as a Transgender female. And that's one of my biggest fear, is to fall in love with someone that's scared. Someone who is ashamed of dating me, a girl with a dick. Someone who is not brave enough to fight alongside with me, who still needs time to grow and be educated. It'll be painful, and it's difficult to find a boy who will do that for us part of the community in high school. 

          Because of my choice in advocating myself for the community, I can't hide it. I hear stories of other transgender females going on dates not letting the others know about their past, and about their bodies. And let's be honest here, I don't think I'll be successful if I do that, I don't think I pass enough. It's scary, to like people, to fall in love with people as Trans individuals. People fail to see that, to understand that we'll always have to be more careful, more hesitant, and we'll always be feeling more vulnerable and insecure. Before we even get rejected, we'll already have felt that rejection, from society, from other men, from ourselves...

         Anyway, there's this boy I'm starting to find very attractive (both physically and personality wise). No biggie, just hope that it won't develop into another hopeless crush. Ugh. Feelings ! Wish I can just lock them up sometimes. Because chances are, nothing will happen anyway. Life's just... rough. Anyway yeah, that's all I guess, it's just Boys.