I actually have many moments where I've wanted to just stop writing and delete my blog. Sometimes I asked myself, why am I doing this ? It felt like no one really cares about this and people maybe didn't want to read my blog. But then I remind myself that I started to write for myself and that's what I need to keep doing. It would be a little sad if no one is interested in reading what I've got to offer, but what's really upsetting is me needing people's approval to continue my interest. So I kept on writing...
I usually get a little uncomfortable when people read my blog in front of me. I think it really is a personal thing yet it's so public online. I try to be completely honest with my life on here and I just hope that through this, people can see who I really am. I am not confident at all and I'm very insecure. I sometimes put on this sassy self and attitude around school but I really just want to protect myself. And I do have an emotional side, times where I'm very serious, and times where I make mistakes. I find that a lot of people don't see me for who I really am. And I try not to judge people base on just what others see in them as I know that there can be so much more that they're hiding. I really like writing, because I feel like I can put all sides of me into words and just write about my feelings.
It's also an escape. An escape from judgement and seeing what others think of me. I think we all need a reason to keep going in life and doing what we do, and our reason should be the freedom of being ourselves and loving ourselves. It can be difficult to show all sides of us even to our closet friends, so writing is my method to freedom. And that's also why I don't like to edit my blog. I can be very lazy some days, but I also like it raw and unedited. It's basically just me writing about how I feel about the tpic I'e chosen and I'm free from judgments even coming from myself.
This blog is raw, full of emotions and grammar mistakes, and most importantly. It's me.
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