Christmas huh ? Well, I'll tell you someone who isn't in a Christmas mood at all, this girl.
This year has been nice, I think. I've became even more confident and strong this year and I've been more involved with the arts and exploring other arts' areas other than Visual Art. I also have kept myself quite busy studying in a Women's Literature course. Though drama has been in the air in my family, I'm barely home anyways due to my busy schedule (after school clubs & shows' rehearsals). I don't know, I just feel a little... out of place. Nothing specifically is wrong, and everything is going just fine in my life, yet I feel kinda empty. Maybe it's just because I'm not in a Christmas spirit...yet. I'm still somehow waiting for a breakthrough before 2016 pops out o nowhere.
As I finally get over the two remaining guys I have feelings for, I feel like I am finally becoming more realistic. I've always been so emotional and dramatic, wondering about love and dreaming about the perfect guy coming along. Now, I'm just getting angry at myself and feeling stupid. Lately, people get on my nerves easily and I no longer want to pretend that humans are flawless. For those who have noticed, I am swearing on social media quite often now. Like geez, even my best friend whom I just wrote a love Blog piece for got on my nerves for a few days. I love who I'm becoming because it feels more real, yet I couldn't help but to feel like an asshole at times... And then I get into my annoying crazy clingy mood and I annoy my friends with the phrase I keep repeating: "love me". Some ignored me, some says they do love me, but my best friend answered with nothing but a "love yourself". And I couldn't help but wonder, is it true that I still am standing right where I was a week ago ? 6 months ago ? A year ago ? How far have I really progressed to love myself and actually believe that I don't need a man in my life to be happy ? Somehow I still thinks that I would be so much happier with a relationship, yet I truly doubt that.
I'm doing well though, just in a grumpy Christmas mood. Don't worry, I'll be fine, I have to be. Also, there's this guy... Well, I don't want to explain it now, that would be another story to tell later on. Nothing really happened, again I'm just an emotional dramatic over thinker. I swear, I'm just so done with boys right now. I'm planning on just be trans and become a lesbian. (girls are cool !)
Merry Christmas Eve, and stay fabulous ! - also stay off my nerves, you don't wanna mess with me this week.
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