I'm not Religious, I'm Spiritual. I am letting myself to stay open-minded to all religions and beliefs, and just believing that there's a source of higher power or force.
After going back to the Summer Bible Camp this year, I've learned a lot. I've discovered my strength, and I was really able to see how much I've grown as a person. I stayed strong, I stayed true to who I am, and I survived. Nothing happened, but it was still a challenge for myself to overcome. It was a test, mentally and emotionally, and I did it. I'm sorry if any of this implies that the camp was bad or negative in any way, the camp really was great. The camp, the people, and everything were lovely, and most of them were respectful and kind. It's just difficult to willingly put yourself into an environment where you know there won't be acceptance or acknowledgement of who you are.
To be honest, I really wish that I can be a committed, religious Christian. Really, I do. Christianity is one of the most powerful religions I've witnessed. It's such a strong belief, that when put into good use, it can really lead a person into a beautiful, kind, positive life style. My mother became a Christian at one of her lowest points, and I'll admit that I look at the sky and pray sometimes when I'm really hurting. It's hope, it's faith, it's sometimes what we all humans need. It's not Jesus, it's love, it's hope, it's a sense of control. I couldn't help but think, would I be happier if I'm a Christian ? Imagine this kind of hope, control, and positivity. But I can't. I really can't. I don't allow myself to go into a religion, because I will always have doubts. I will never believe. I'll question, and especially Christianity, where it's just so easy to point out the Sexism, the Homophobia, Transphobia...etc. that are in some of their words and mind sets. (I'm not trying to pick on Christianity, I just know it's teachings the best and have the most experiences with Christianity) It's something I can never get my mind around, how such a loving and supportive religion and belief system, can be so judgmental and not accepting. I think that the words about love and kindness in the Bible, should be more important than who I marry, what I wear, and what Gender I identify as. And that's what I love about being Spiritual, when I look at all the different religions in the world with an open-mind, I can learn and take the things I need from each one of them. Love from Christianity, Selflessness from Buddhism, The Cycle of Life, Death, and Karma from Hinduism...etc. I think that all of these religions are beautiful, and that they all have something we can learn and take away from. I'm not the one to judge who's right who's wrong, I just wish to be respectful of all people and their different beliefs.
Also, after having to spend a whole week with Christian men and boys for cabins and activities, I've actually learned a lot about men. Well, I was treated as a man for my whole life, but now after I've came out as a Transgender woman, I see and think of men differently. I've discovered a lot of how men are raised and taught to be, causing them to have certain mindsets and actions. I don't know, it's just interesting, especially if they were raised in a religious house hold I guess.
Anyway, I don't wanna go into Feminism and Gender Philosophy today. But I overcame it ! I am here, and I am queer. I am a Proud Trans Woman of Colour, and I'm glad I had this experience. It was a lovely week, with a lot of wonderful people ! I am deeply grateful for also the camp's tolerance for me and their welcome.
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