Summer Bible Camp... ?

          I went last year, I survived.

          Will I this year ?

          I hate for it to become a religious reason, I hate it. Religions shouldn't be like this. Being homophobic or transphobic is not a religious act. That's just Hate...

          They're good people, I had a really good time last year. Yet, I identified as homosexual male last year. Now, I've came out as a Transgender Woman, and I don't think they're letting me room with the girls... Either way, people will be uncomfortable. Unlike the school trip, the girls at the camp will not be comfortable with me there even if they have given me the right to room with women. What about showering ? Washrooms ? The Activities ? Am I able to survive such binary environment ? Who will see me as a Woman there ? Who will respect me as a Trans Woman there ? Who will I be there ? That's the question. I know it's a little dramatic to question if I'm able to "survive" in a teenage Christian camp, but it's true. I'm not sure if I'll be able to be myself there, and letting go of my identity that I've fought for so long, honestly sounds life threatening...

          Being Transgender, is my identity. It's not who I am. Yet to many people, it gets in the way of letting them know who I am, and loving who I am. It's not their fault. I'm fine if they don't agree with my identity, but I still expect them to respect and love me as I am, as a fellow human being. But to think of going into an environment like this... Will I have fun ? Will I be happy ? Even if I have thick enough skin and strong enough confidence to be truly myself there, they will not be comfortable. The boys having to room with me, using the same washroom as me...etc. They are not comfortable, and it just seems like if I want to make them happy, I'll have to sacrifice my identity for a week. Can you even imagine me "being a boy" for a whole week !? I don't even know what that'll be like. I'm a Woman !

          Look, if they see me as a man in a dress, I'll be actually fine. If they just see me and respect me as a Crossdresser/Drag Queen, I'm okay with that. Well I mean, I understand if people can't look pass that I have a penis, but they have to still respect my Gender Expression ! ...Will they ?

          Many people don't understand why I want to go, because technically I'm not even religious... The thing is that, I wanna have fun with my friends who are going. Also, I want to be able to live and survive in environments that aren't always supportive of my identity other than my own home. I want to be strong, and I want to be able to fight my battles. I want to be able to stand so strong and firmly with who I am, that no one can tear me down. I want to be strong. And I want to blossom, as an advocate, and an activist. I need this.

          I don't know... It just seems like I'm running away if I cancel now. I don't know what to expect and the unknown honestly just kills me. I'll have to think about it, but I don't have much time...