"Dear Fat People"

          Well first, I want to start off saying that I will try really hard not to make this into another one of my Body Postitivity inspirational blog piece. I've done many of those and you all should know how I feel and look on the "Fat-shaming" subject. But, I'm here to talk about the reactions of this viral YouTube video "Dear Fat People" by a YouTuber Nicole Arbour. Because you see, I first had a very strong opinion that is against the message of this video, but my thoughts and views changed after understanding the people's point of views who are for this video.

          For those of you who have not watched this video or just does not want to watch it, it's basically of her making fun of fat people and saying that we should fat-shamed people to lose weight. She even said that fat people are just killing themselves, they should stop eating, and that they smell like sausages...etc. Yes, of course she's trying to be funny. And why this video has gone viral is because people got offended by her humor. I think that there's a thin line between being funny and being offensive, and just because someone is trying to use humor to cover something offensive and ugly, doesn't make it okay. But, why this video ? I went and watched some of her other videos and she did the exact same thing. Insulting and mocking people is part of comedy and even though people may get hurt, we as humans love that cheap humor. But why suddenly everyone got so angry !? It's not like she hasn't made videos like this mocking and insulting people. And I'm sure there have been a lot of other comedians who have insulted more people with jokes and cheap humor. Is it true that we humans are just too sensitive ? Are we becoming more and more sensitive, that we sometimes even face the truth ?

          I feel like it's never anyone's right to judge someone else because we don't know what it's like to be them. But the truth is that being bigger and heavier does come with consequences. And I totally understand that some people have eating disorders and health conditions, but are we really just scared of the truth ? I personally know that I was that person who just can't accept the truth that I am fat. It's not that I would lie and say I'm fit, but I would get really upset and simply do nothing. I'm upset because it hurts, but it's a truth I could never swallow in and actually do something about it. I've becoming more honest with myself this year and accepted that I am fat, but also fabulous. I am fat, but that doesn't change who I am or mean that I'm worth any less. And I am trying to eat healthier and watch my weight weekly. Truth is never easy to take in, but it's needed for us to know what's real and what's not. 

          That's why I don't even get offended by people calling me "fat" or "faggot" anymore, because it is true. I am fat and I am gay. Those words don't mean anything if I don't give them the power to hurt me. I feel like we as a society have become so scared of judgement, hate, shame and worse, the truth. Rightfully so, because they are scary and hurtful. But we need to not get offended by every single word that everyone say. We should know that we deserve better and we can't always change everyone. Let them say what they want and we will do what makes us happy. Basically, more forgiveness less fighting. After all, aren't we just like those who used hate to hurt us when we try to use hate to fight back ?

          I've actually read a theory somewhere that got me thinking. She wrote that she as a woman trying to love her body is exhausting. People try to tell everyone that they're perfect the way they are and we never believe them yet it's kinda nice to hear that from people who loves us. And I agree, loving myself can be tiring. It's unrealistic too, to tell myself everyday that I'm beautiful and perfect the way I am. Because the fact is that none of us are perfect, and even though it's great to appreciate ourselves, we can always improve and be better. That's how we grow and develop ourselves as human beings. We should love ourselves and encourage ourselves to a point, and know that it should come naturally. We shouldn't need to try to love our bodies, we should just love ourselves with our good days and bad days. 

          So dear Fat people :

If you're overweight, you are fat. That's the truth, and I'm on your team too don't worry. It sucks, but health is not determined by appearances or scales, so you do whatever you can to be healthy and happy. Love yourselves and honey, "Fat" is just a word. Don't give it the power to hurt you. Own the word, love the word, and if you're gonna be the word, be the word proudly. 

Sweet Sixteen - A Mermaid

          My sweet sixteen didn't turn out to be great. To be completely honest, I am just having a horrible week and nothing feels right for these past few days. And I am sorry for those whom I've sassed for no reason.

          I've been really stressed from school even though it has just begun a few days ago and I am really barely holding it together. I feel like I could lose it anytime. On Thursday, the day of my actual birthday, I celebrated that night with my family and my mom's friends. Honestly, the dinner was fine and everyone probably felt alright, but I had an awful day and I just had a fight with my brother before so, it basically sucked. Then last night I celebrated with my friends and it was great. Everyone had fun and we all ate pizza and hung out, but I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling well and I didn't feel like eating, I was stressed because it was the first time I had so many people over at my house. But I'm glad they had fun and that's all I wanted. 

          But today, my best friend and her mom took me out for a manicure, had some cupcakes and visited her grandpa. It was a simple day, but it was enough. No expensive big dinners or big groups of fun people, but it was a lovely and comfortable day where I could just be myself. And I think it's funny how I literally celebrated my birthday for three days and I most enjoyed the day with the most less people, cost, and presents. I had a lot of expectations for my sweet sixteen and expectations have never gotten me somewhere good. And like I said, puberty is making me really desperate. I think I really did expect my life to be a fairy tale on my birthday. A price charming would be nice, but maybe what I need isn't a price charming. Maybe my destiny to be with a sexy wizard in the woods or something that I'll need to do a little more searching for. After all, good things come to those who wait.

          I'm happy though, I'm glad that I've learned a lesson. All experiences are good as long as we learned something. And I've realized that sixteen is just a number, all I need to do is be myself and be happy. So happy birthday Leyoncé ! But I'm neither a special birthday boy nor a sassy Queen.

          I'm a mermaid.

Sex Education

          So lately in Ontario, Canada, people have been debating over the new Sex-Ed curriculum. And I just want to express that I am 100% for the liberal movement, but I still understand why many people would be against it. In many debate topics like homosexuality, racism...etc and this, it's important to look at the other side and really consider why they would be thinking that. That's the only way to win, to solve the opposite side's issues and concerns.

          People are saying that explicit anal, oral sex and masturbation will be taught to kids as young as grade ones with the new curriculum. That is just false and wrong on so many levels. I mean, I get it. No matter what the content is, grade one seems a little early for any sexual education. So I really think it should just be called the new Health curriculum before they introduce any sexual interactions. Well, according to my research with many news article, the first grades will be taught about the reproductive systems and their own body parts. The second grades will be introduced to the concept and the importance about consent. The idea of human reproduction will be in grade three and four. Grade five will actually be the first year they discuss about simple sexual interactions. Masturbation will then later be introduced in grade six, and so on. Now, that curriculum seems perfectly fine to me, doesn't it ? Like seriously, I know plenty of people and friends of mine who already started to have questions about sex and masturbation in grade four and five. We should let our children have a childhood and time to be innocent, but not let them grow and learn when they're ready ? And for self pleasuring, kids will do it. I have not talked to one person who haven't tried it. I rather my children be taught about it and know that they can talk to me and not keep secrets from me. 

          Homosexuality will be introduced as normal and natural in the grade of three. Children under this curriculum will be taught that same-sex couples are no different than people with an allergy. I don't know about you, but I think it's important that we teach our next generation to love and accept everyone's differences, beliefs, lifestyles...etc. And the school board clearly states that every parent has the right to remove their children from the Sex-Ed classes if the teaching is against their religion beliefs, but all kids have to be in class for the teachings of homosexuality and acceptance. Now, I know some parents will still be angry about that, but we are ending a dark era. We have raised awareness for so many social issues these few years that is now changing our education. We have fought for Racism, Feminism, Gender equality, Homosexuality rights, Transgender rights, and Body positivity...etc. We have to keep on fighting for our next generation. It's time for change, I know we're ready.

          Now before you start wondering why my blog is becoming some teen-inspiration speech, I have to say that I really do wish we don't need this curriculum. I wish that we live in a world that everyone can be innocent and kind. But we do need our children to learn about consent, the importance of their body and sex in a society like this. We need our kids to be safe and know how to protect themselves. And this is just my opinion, but I don't think sex is stripping away the creativity and the innocence of our children. I think that judgement, hate, discrimination, and shame are the cause of making our children more and more like the adults. There should be nothing wrong understanding human nature. 

          My only problem is not seeing love as one of the topics in the grade one health curriculum. I think that we all need to be taught on how to love others and our own bodies at the youngest age possible. Only with love, that we can keep the innocence and kindness in our future.

Me and Christianity

          I have to be honest, after being at that summer Bible Camp, it has been difficult. I was baptized a few years ago when I was in Singapore and I've always treasured my relationship with God. I was never too religious, but I had a lot faith as I watched my mother walked out of depression with God. I really believed that there is a God and that he's there to help and love us. But after I came out, everything changed.

          I was scared, not that I thought anyone would not let me worship in church when they know my sexual orientation. But I felt like God has stopped loving me because of my decision of being who I am. Those few Bible verses suddenly became so real, cruel and hurtful, and it distanced my relationship with my faith. And then in high school, I've became friends with a religious girl who invited me to go to her church's weekly youth group. I first went just to hang out with her and some other friends, but I slowly gotten back with God and start having hope again. I didn't care about those verses anymore as I chose to focus on the main message of the Bible, love. Now ever since the Bible Camp, I've been questioning if I'm really homosexual again. I know, seriously right !? I don't even know why I do this to myself, I'm just scared to be wrong I guess. The preacher at the camp said that sins are sins not because God decided to make some rules, sins are sins because they are harmful. But how is me loving a man harmful in any way ? It just doesn't make sense to me, and I really want a close relationship with God again, but I just feel conflicted... I can not believe in something where I have to just ignore some parts of it. And I can't argue with the Bible either. But I really just don't have any attractions for females ! I wish I do, girls are beautiful, but I love men. I try imagining myself with my female friends and it just doesn't work. So I am gay for sure, now it's just me conflicting with my faith all over again...

          It's like taking a big step back in time for me which is sad, I've worked so hard to understand and accept who I am. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm a Christian. Every time I tell people that I'm a Christian, it feels weird. It's definitely not easy to commit to a religion, and I just feel almost not worthy enough to be Christian. Is really believing that there is a God and that Jesus died for our sins enough ? Or are religions really just a way for us humans to comfort ourselves with the fear of nothingness after death ? Questions can never be answered without a new doubt and I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my time... I believed that faith shouldn't feel this way. I want to be comfortable, secure, free, loved and saved by Christianity. This is not how hope should feel.

          But I can't, I really just can't. Even without my heels, my flamboyant behavior, my sassy attitude, and my stylish clothing, I still am attracted to men. And it's not like I was raised to be gay, come on, there is nothing fabulous about growing up in an Asian family. I guess the remaining possibilities of me loving men is either me controlled by Satan or that I'm really born this way. And I would really rather go with the Lady Gaga song explanation. 

          There is no way I'm letting myself feel like I'm going to hell. I need to just put on my heels and be my fabulous self. We all should just be ourselves, even if it means to sacrifice our faith. Because God would want us to be happy I would hope. He would want us to love and accept ourselves like the way he does to the world. And it's okay to feel conflicted, questioned with our faith. Only with questions, we can have answers or realizations to who we really are and what we believe in.

Summer Bible Camp - Christianity and Homosexuality

          So I've just gotten back from Teen's Week at a Summer Bible Camp. I had an amazing time and have made friends with some really cool people. Now before I went, I was quite worried that there would be problems as I am a homosexual man. People have asked me why I've decided to go to a religious camp knowing that people might have problems of me being who I am, and I've answered saying that it's because of friends and I wanted to do something fun...etc. But I actually want to use this opportunity to meet some other religious people and listen to some of their real opinions on homosexuality. 

           Everything worked out but they apparently had to hold a staff's meeting because I think this might be their first time having an openly LGBTQA+ teen going or something. So I didn't even have a chance to pretend to be straight, because everyone already kinda knew. I was scared because I would be able to deal with the other campers there if they have a problem with me, but I would not survive knowing that some staffs may dislike me. 

           I myself as a christian have always struggled because I really do believe that I'm born this way. I've not really talked about my religious faith or God with my friends because I think that somehow my existence goes against Christianity. Anyway, I respect that everyone has different religious background and beliefs so I don't really want to focus on what my religion and beliefs are. But I was actually impressed by how loving and caring these staffs and teens are. I've gotten a lot of religious hate before as an openly gay and these people are just so kind and accepting that it just touches my heart. Of course, most of them as Christians who believe in the Bible think that being gay is a sin, but none of them have actually said anything mean or disrespectful to me during those seven days. It still doesn't make sense to me how me loving someone can be sinful, but I have gained so much respect for Christianity because of how these people behaved and acted.

          I've found that the staffs were actually concerned that I would get offended by a drag skit some camper boys were going to do to entertain us by the camp fire one night. Now they care about my happiness and that's all that matters. I think it's perfectly okay for them to disagree with who I am and my decisions, but we as humans have to care and love one another and look past our differences. And there was this girl who actually called another camper to read some Bible verses to me at like midnight about sins and punishments. She kept apologizing after and said that she felt like she just had to do it because I am a Christian and she wanted me to understand what I'm doing. I believed that she meant no harm as she was so sweet and kind. Even though I felt a little uncomfortable, I respect her opinion and courage. I've also learned and understood that no human is black and white throughout the week. No sins or behaviors can define a person's good or bad. People respected me because I was respectful and kind, they didn't treat me unfairly base on their beliefs and opinions because me being gay does not define how nice or friendly I can be. People can have sins and still be a kind, loving person who deserve to be cared and respected. We're all just many shades of fabulous grey.

          Overall, I've really enjoyed my time at this camp and though a lot of campers there have encouraged me to go back next summer, I'm still not sure if I'll be able to. It was a great insightful experience and it has definitely helped me as a person and a Christian. Though I've warned the campers that if I do go back next year, I will go with my gear of stylish clothing, accessories and my sassiest attitude. 

          Next time, I will have nothing to hide, because I'm BORN THIS WAY baby !!!