Well, I'm basically out of the closet, but just to the people in school, my mom, my brother, and some other friends. My dad and his side of the family doesn't know. My cousins probably guessed it, but they never questioned me. The thing about my dad and his side of the family is that they may know that I'm gay, but they try to not think about it. When they don't understand or accept something, they pretend that they don't know anything. So that's why before my dad leaves Canada next week, I want to come out to him. I want him to know it, accept it and maybe support it, if he can.
I asked my mom about it, and she's very against the idea of me coming out to my dad. She said that based on my dad's personality, he won't know how to deal with it and he will just be very confused and scared. My mom said she will talk to him for me, and maybe that will be the best after all... Even though I do think it will be better for me to talk to him myself, my mom just doesn't want him to accidentally say anything mean and hurt my feelings. To be honest, I wasn't going to tell my dad at all. I have been telling myself that maybe he doesn't need to know this, and that maybe I don't need him to be at my wedding, but I do. Even though I'm not as close with him because we don't live together everyday, I still love him, and he loves me so much, he deserves to know. How he deals with it will be his decision.
I say I'm brave and that I'm very comfortable with my sexual orientation and all that stuff, but I still get scared sometimes, especially when I go back to Asia and meet other Asian people. I'm not trying to be racist, but when I get bullied or insulted here in Canada, I have my friends and many others to support me. There in Taiwan, not a lot of people are openly gay, and not a lot of people understand or know gay people. So their opinions can be very hurtful and stupid, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to stand up for myself when I need to. Maybe sometimes I'm not as strong as I think I am, and maybe I'm not as sassy as I try to be...
I guess I will have to deal with this coming out thing a lot in my life, well, at least right now. I hope everything turns out well with the talk between my parents, and I hope that my dad can understand. When I came out to my mom, it was very moving and funny. I was crying and was like, "mom...don't hate me. Please accept me for who I am." Then my mom also cried and said, "okay, I will still love you, but I seriously don't really care." So I was like, "Awe I love you too, thanks for ruining the moment..." Then my mom went back to her room to finish her Korean Drama series.
Editor: A.B.
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