Tonight we went to the airport to drop off my dad... It's sad to see him leave again. It's like, just when I was starting to get used to him being around he had to leave again. Plus, this time, it's different. He's leaving knowing my sexual orientation, and knowing who I really am. It's like we were starting a whole new relationship between us. I've been talking to him a little more after coming out and finally he now knows that I want to be a fashion designer in New York. It's weird how little we know about each other, but still, we only see each other about once every two to three years. He knew I was into art but he didn't know about the details at all.
Goodbye was harder this time because of the things he said to me and my brother during this visit. He knows that he's getting older and we're growing up too. He starts talking about how we need to take good care of ourselves because soon we will leave each other for universities/colleges, and he also said how he wants us to be happy and not forget about our family...etc. He says things like that all the time, but once I actually realize how little time I have with my family, it gets a little depressing.
Goodbyes are never nice, but isn't it a word that leads you to a new chapter of your life and experience ? I just wish I'm this positive when it comes time to leave high school... It's only two years away ! I can't believe it. There aren't really any words to describe the mixed feelings I have for the future. I mean, what if I've decided on the fashion path too soon !? What if I'm not good enough or tough enough to go live by myself in another city !? Questions just keep coming to my mind as I wonder about the future and the things I will have to let go, and the people I will have to say goodbye to.
Time isn't going to wait for you, and the future is something no one can really say anything about. So why are we so scared if there might not even be something to be scared of !? Of course there is something to be scared of ! It's the unknown... The one thing I know for sure about the future is that there will be a lot of goodbyes and hellos. The rest is unknown. Both hellos and goodbyes can be unwanted, but we just have to let go of the things we need to let go of and accept the things that are coming into our lives. Just two more years for me to prepare all those goodbyes after the hellos...
Editor: A.B.
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