Blossom.

"and here you are living,

despite it all"

- Rupi Kaur

          I was a dying Butterfly, and then a crying Mermaid, but now... 

          I'm a Flower, a Golden Flower blossoming in an eternal Spring.

          I once admitted that I hated the colour yellow because I felt ashamed and alienated to be a person of colour, to be an Asian immigrant. I wanted to belong, to fit in, to be accepted. I dreamed of drowning myself in bleach, and I desperately cut off my mother tongue, replacing the words of Chinese with English and French. Yet lately, not only have I come in terms with my gender identity, I have also really tried to reclaim my identity of being a person of colour. I have been learning to accept and embrace my beautiful Asian self and it's been quite a journey. I have not only blossomed as an Activist, but also as an individual that's finally starting to embrace myself as a whole. And you see, when I finally accept myself, the colour yellow no longer represents me. It can no longer defines me. It's a stereotype, a box to keep people in, and I've finally set myself free. The hue was there for me to embrace, a symbol for me to overcome an internal denial. I'm now different, better, I'm at a better place with myself. I'm now... Golden.

"the world gives you so much pain,

and here you are making gold out of it"

- Rupi Kaur

          This Blog will grow with me, and evolves along with my experiences. I am not afraid to change, yet the question is always, what am I losing ? Am I able to afford for such changes. I've lost people for Blooming. I've lost people for becoming Gold. Yet the women we wish to embrace and be will always cost us something, because that's how life is. And sometimes there's nothing we can do, because other people's thoughts and actions are not something we can control. At this point, I've really given up, on consistently having to defend and fight for myself in these relationships. People have always been seeing me as "the enemy", "the villain", and I am no longer able to carry this guilt with me anymore, not when it doesn't feel like I've deserved it. Maybe, if they can't understand me now, they will never. Maybe I am speaking clearly, and explaining myself logically. Maybe they're the ones with their ears closed and eyes shut. Maybe, it's time... to let go.

I’ve made Mountains with my Curves,

Rivers with my Folds, and

Flowers with my Scars.

It’s the Blossom,

of an Eternal Spring.