Pride can be something that lets you be proud of what you believe in and help you become the person you want to be, but pride can be also a deadly weapon you can use to create a lot of pain. Tonight, I used it as my weapon and I won, and probably caused a lot of pain. The scary thing is, I was proud of it.
I just had a fight with my brother and I thought I had won. Let's start from the beginning. I was grumpy and tired and I was trying to tell my mom something, but my brother interrupted me so I rolled my eyes. I was so bitchy and sassy, so he got mad and went out to shovel the snow on our drive-way. I sat down and stared at my laptop's screen for a while. I soon felt like I should help him shovel. ( By the way, I almost never shovel ). I went outside to help but he was all angry and yelled at me because apparently I'm not doing it "the right way". I argued that I just wanted to help, and finally he gave up and left. Before he left, he had to say some nasty stuff and of course I fought back with my bitch mouth, and maybe I went too far.
I was all alone on my drive-way wearing a coat, a tank top underneath, a pair of leggings, and my stylish cowboy boots. I started to shovel. I was so mad at him. I swore to myself that I will shovel until this drive-way is the cleanest drive-way on my street. I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to let everyone know that I can do what everyone else does without a scarf, hat, gloves, or anything else. Well of course it was cold, it was -6 degrees with a wind chill of -16 degrees, but how bad would I look if I said, "I'm gonna shovel better than you, but let me go in and change first." So I started shoveling, I did change my boots though because my cowboy boots were dying. I put on that ugly working plastic boots in my garage, and that was my commitment to shoveling. I was worried that he was right after a while. What if I wasn't doing it right !? After all he did shovel everyday last winter. So I started shoveling the road and everywhere near my house to make sure that he couldn't say anything. Call me crazy but I was so sick and tired of being this stupid useless boy who wasn't strong enough to help, or just another spoiled child who can't do anything. My brother calls me things like that all the time. I know I'm better than that.
I thought I won the game, the fight and I thought I proved him wrong. Maybe I did, but there was no one else other than me that's in this "game". After all, it wasn't what others said about me that made me feel useless, it was my own stupid pride that fooled me into thinking I had it all, but it just made me do useless things, say useless words, and go into useless fights.
I love my family, I know I do, especially my brother. It's just that each of us are so different, we can never agree on anything. When we try to communicate, we get offended before we actually listen to each other. It's a great love, but sometimes with great pain. So next time, before we put on our pride crowns, let's think first, and be smart.
Editor: A.B.
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