I haven't been writing and posting as much simply because of school... It's always more stressful after the mid-term because it's closer to final exams. The workload and assignments did got more difficult, but that's not why I'm stressed out. I'm stressing out because after seeing my marks for my arts courses, I wasn't happy. Look, my marks weren't bad, it's just not good enough in my eyes. My Visual Art is okay. It's my Drama's mark that shocked me.
Even though drama is my minor, I still expected myself to do good. I'm a grade 10 in a grade 9 drama class because I got into the enriched program just this year and they didn't want me to skip the basics of drama. A lot of people think that because of my dramatic personality and how I'm funny, I'd be good at acting. So, I got my hopes up a little bit... It's not like I'm failing or anything, but I just really don't think I'm a bad actor. Yes, I do have stage fright sometimes and I fall back into the minor characters if there's a stronger actor in my group. That doesn't mean I suck right !? I'm a little behind in visual art because I keep redoing my assignments half way through to make it better. I'm just so scared that it won't be good enough. I kept having these ambitious, crazy, and difficult ideas for my projects and I don't even know if I can do them.
I have always been a perfectionist in areas that I care about. I was unhappy because I thought that perfection is decided by others. I got happier because I believed that I am the only one who can say if I'm perfect or not. I think that before I go on stage to do my drama solo performance tomorrow, I should not care about the marks. I believe that we performers shouldn't let the scores or marks, but the joy and the love we have for the stage, define us.
Editor: A.B.
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