I do not know if it's just because of schoolwork and stress lately, but I might actually be getting over him. Am I really gonna wake up from this "fantasy" already !? I haven't been thinking of him for a few weeks now and I just thought of him today. It feels a little different though. I don't even want to call him "Red" anymore... That may be because I stopped listening to that song to try to get over him. Is it finally working ?
It's a little disappointing though, to think that I might be getting over him. As painful as it is, it is also nice to have feelings for someone, especially for a needy person like me. It's almost like I don't want to get over him, even though we have no chance of being together. This had me wondering again about love. Whenever we don't feel loved, is it human nature to find love ? Are we just waiting to be loved, and not just love love, but family love and friendship love too?
It pisses me of a little bit to think of myself as this needy person who "needs" a relationship. Sure I'm lonely but I'm also fabulous. I don't think I need a man to be happy and I will not allow a man to control my happiness. We should never let our relationship status define who we are. Maybe I am getting over him and maybe I'm not, but it doesn't matter anymore. I can finally see how unrealistic this fantasy was, and I will not be waiting here for him anymore.
I find that a lot of people are like me. They put love before everything. I think we all need to love ourselves more. I just can't afford to put myself through the "waiting for a straight guy to love me back" thing again. The truth is, it felt so amazing to dream in this fantasy, to secretly look at him and lie to myself that it can happen someday, but the crash after the high is too much to handle. Right now, I want to only care about myself and my future which are my arts.
Editor: A.B.
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